Or 100 ways to kill a cat.
"Oh darlings! Can you watch my kitty while I go visit my cousin?" Freddie said throwing open the door to the flat Roger, Brian and John shared.
"Freddie it's five a.m!" Roger mumbled rolling back over.
"Bri!" Freddie said going over to the guitarist. "Brimi dear please will you watch my precious kitty?" Freddie pulled the pillow off Brian's head. "Oh my gosh darling! And I thought your hair was bad after you brushed it!"
Brian sat up and threw the pillow at Freddie, who dodged it and it hit John instead. John squealed and rolled off the bed in a tangle of blankets. "Johnnie darling will you watch my kitty please?" Freddie asked John.
"No I'm not going to watch your bloody cat Freddie" John answered, climbing back up into bed.
"Oh Roggie darling!" Freddie said going over to Roger's bed.
"Yes Freddie I'll watch your cat" Roger mumbled.
"It's alive!" Brian said jokingly.
"You're not one to talk Mr Frankensteins bride" Roger said glaring at Brian.
"Great! Here you go darlings!" Freddie said handing Roger the cat and Brian a bag of cupcakes.
"Freddie whats with the cupcakes?" Brian asked, getting out of bed.
"Oh Mr Mew Mew only eats cupcakes" Freddie said heading for the door. "Don't overfeed him and if I come back and he's dead, I will murder you all. Goodbye darlings!" Freddie said as he shut the door behind him.
Roger held the cat out in front of him. "How exactly do you take care of a cat?"
"It shouldn't be hard" Brian said putting the cupcakes on the counter. "In fact, it should be harder to get John up"
Roger set the cat down and helped Brian drag John out of bed and down the stairs.
Later that evening
"Meow meow meow meow" the cat started mewing annoyingly and rubbing against their legs.
"Brimi make it stop" Roger whined. Brian gave it a cupcake and it kept mewing. Brian sighed and gave it another one. It kept going. Roger cussed and reached up, trying to get the bag of cupcakes from the taller man.
"No! Freddie said not to overfeed it!" Brian protested holding the bag away from Roger. John grabbed the bag from above Brian and threw all the cupcakes to the cat, which promptly gobbled them up. "John! What did you do!?" Brian shouted.
"I shut the cat up so we could sleep" John grumbled, going back to bed.
"It's not going to die Bri, calm down" Roger said turning the light off and getting into bed.
The next morning.....
"He's dead!" Brian wailed.
John nudged the cat with his foot. "No he's not, he's only sleeping"
Roger picked the limp cat up off the floor and smacked it against the counter. "Nope he's dead"
"Freddies going to kill us!" Brian wailed louder.
"Well actually it was John's fault" Roger said in an effort to cheer Brian up.
"Let's just go bury it" John said grabbing the cat and a shovel.
"John are you sure this is the right graveyard?" Brian asked as they walked up the hill as lightning struck a tree at the top.
"I'm sure" John said dragging the terrified Brian up the hill.
