Skin as Pale as Ice

prologue

'It is only when we become aware that our time is limited that we can channel our energy into truly living' 

-Ludovico Einaudi

 I sat upright on my old squeaky wooden bed, my arms tightly wrapped around my fragile legs as though the world was crumbling beneath me. The tears began to roll down my damp face yet again, the stream was endless, I hadn't even bothered drying beneath my eyes because of this. Emptiness filled the air around me, not a single note of music played or a tiny scent of my vanilla candle burnt and filled my nostrils with the smell of delight. It was just empty. I tore my gaze to my window, the rain was pouring down the single glazed glass like my tears streaming down my face. Unlike the emptiness that surrounded me inside, there was no emptiness outside my window. The rain was pitter-pattering as it hit the ground, dogs were barking at each other down the road, and young children were playing outside in the rain together with their red wellington boots, splashing in the puddles together, laughing. It got to the point when I had to look at my phone, i had felt it vibrating in my hand for some time now. As much as I didn't want to read the messages, I knew I had to. I had to be strong. 

"Ana?" 

"Ana, you have to answer me. Please don't do this"

"I can't do this anymore"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! For every month of my carcass ass relationship. You deserve so much more than me."

I stared at my messages. Evan. I didn't know how to respond, i just wished that i could turn back the time. i should have never asked him if he still loved me an hour ago because if i didn't, I wouldn't be having this conversation right now. 

"Ev, tell me the truth this time. Tell me you don't love me" I typed, my hands shaking with every letter I typed.

"Why!?"

"just do it, tell me"

"I don't want to hurt you Ana"

"Just do it. i need you to say it"

"The feelings that i had for you are no longer there"