You are a drug and it is quick

Chapter Twenty-Four

Zac didn't wake up until early in the afternoon. The night before had drained him both physically and mentally. The physical part was obvious...he couldn't remember the last time, if ever, that he had sex multiple times in one night. In that sense, it was a very, very good night in his books. Mentally, he was more confused now than he had been before. Abby had been so cold toward him, wanted nothing to do with him at his family's Christmas dinner, and then not even an hour later she was begging for him to spend the night with her and telling him that she loved him. He understood that after what Adam had done during their dinner, she needed to feel protected by someone and he was more than willing to be that person...but he could only hope that there was truth to her words when she told him how she felt about him.

He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes and looking around, realizing that Abby was not in bed with him. As he began to get dressed, he thought over what he could possibly do to make the naked photos that had been posted on the internet go away. He made a mental note to call his lawyer, hoping that even though it was the holidays, he would answer. He made his way to the bathroom, grabbing a tooth brush that he had left behind and brushing his teeth before heading to the kitchen, hoping to find Abby. Maybe she had gotten up to make coffee. Though he soon discovered that she wasn't there, either. However, on the counter was a note, which he apprehensively picked up.

Zac,

First of all, thank you for last night. It means so much to me that even after how I have been treating you, you were still there for me when I needed you. I honestly did not intend for what happened to happen, but I'm glad it did. It was amazing, and so are you.

After you fell asleep, I couldn't shut my mind off. I just kept thinking and thinking, replaying everything that has happened over the past month in my head, over and over. I realized something pretty important. What you did was wrong, and you really did hurt me. However, given the circumstances, I guess I don't blame you for that. You've done nothing before or after that to ever show me that you would hurt me intentionally, and I know now, after thinking hard, that you didn't mean to do what you did. I understand, and I'm sorry for coming down on you so hard. I forgive you.

I realized something else important too, though. I realized that the real problem here has been me, all along. When I moved to Tulsa, it was supposed to be my fresh start. I didn't plan on falling in love with anyone, let alone so soon. From day one I've been messing this thing up and doing everything wrong and stringing you through all of the drama...and that's because I was simply not in the right mind set to be in a relationship. I'm still not. I can't let you be with me when I'm not the person you deserve. You've got your reputation, and your career on the line and I'm no good for either of those things.

Don't worry...I'm not running away or anything crazy. I just went for a drive to do some more thinking. I know I need to work on myself and become a better person and I have to figure out how to do that. I just had to write this all down because I was afraid that if I tried to say it all in person, I would get too emotional and forget everything. I really hope that we can still be friends, but I understand if you don't want to. Most of all, I just hope that you will forgive me, too.

Sorry this was so long.

xoxox,

- Abby

He must have read the letter three or four times before he finally set it down on the counter. He felt a mixture of several different emotions. He was mostly happy, because she had forgiven him. However, she also said that she couldn't be with him, and that left him feeling as though someone had ripped his heart right out of his chest.