When people ask me why everything is fucked I shrug and say ‘Well now what shall we do today?. They say ‘What the fuck am I doing with my life’ and I just shrug and shrug because I see them in ten years all the same, in danken cordoroys and a bigger belly and it’s just hell. I meet with people to shave the minutes off the boredom, Im here, and I’m sat with a drink. I’m real. So i sit with my friend Ava and she’s asking me these questions and I say yes yes I know because I do. Nodding with the hands gives extra effect and they think ‘Shes listening and my god it’s true, everyone does feel the same. But I know the vortex is closing, members only. And I’m not like you Ava.
I think, well, Ava I have bigger problems than you, and my hair just won’t go the right way. Your hair responds like a dream. They ask me what to do, what can anyone do, like I’m some fat God feeding on others miseries. The burnt cold outside hurts my cheeks, and its these evenings we all get the worst. Walking home, catching the bus, fiddling in bags for tickets and dark faces. We all think it must be great to be be in love, but you’re concerned he isn’t like they say in the movies.
You’re young. You don’t know what it is to lose something yet.. Condensation of the mind, blue and goosy, your skin rattled and hanging. You’re perky and free, your thighs all well. Ava, listen to my words which I have borrowed from my parents, who are blue and goosy, broken shells and lets eat the words together. I make Ava a tape of these words to the sound of some piano music, but she hides it in her memory box instead.
And then I’m talking to someone new and there’s a martini somewhere. It’s a dream, all this talk, watch me perform. I’m thinking I should sell the tape I made Ava listen and burn it into myself, let it loosen my knots.Hand it to these guys and just walk on out of that door, like some mad oracle. There’s an anger in the room, and a martini hits the wall, this man stands up and counts to ten. His head is like a huge lemon bursting and sour and I just laugh in his face with his pips in my eyes. He’s stood right over me, lamb that I am, loving life at this second and I reach for his face and pull it sideways, whisper the meaning of life into that ear.
