PAIN

CHAPTER 4

Aeri's Pov

"Its been a while Aeri.Missed me?" the guy said,panting as my eyes widened.

"J-Junyoung" I blinked.

Why is he here?

He wiped his sweat on his forehead and breath deeply.

"Geez why did you walk so fast! Are you in a marathon or something?"He said annoyingly as I just gave him a questioning look.

"Wanna grab some ice cream?" he asked.

I hesitated for a moment but he grab my wrist and let him take me somewhere.

--
I watched the bird fly infront of me.We are now at the park,sitting at the bench.

There's a long moment of silence as we both eat the ice cream.

Awkward.Very awkward.

"Hm,the ice cream taste good doesnt it?" Junyoung commented to break the silence.

I just nodded,still feeling a bit uncomfortable.I barely eat the ice cream.

"Ey your ice cream is melting.Its vanilla flavor,dont you like vanilla anymore?" He asked.I shook my head immediately.

"No-no its not that"

"Phew.I thought I bought the wrong one,As far as i remembered you and jungkook are opposite to almost everything.You like vanilla while he likes chocolate.You like chicken breast while he likes the leg one.Hm, too many to mention" He chuckled.

"How did you get here?I thought youre living in Canada for years?" I asked,changing the topic.

"I went home yesterday its Jungkook’s death anniversary right?Aunt called me to come with her." Junyoung said,answering the questions inside my head.I looked at the ground as i heared Jungkook’s death anniversary.

I wonder if Jungkook’s mother is still angry at me.Sigh.

" Did you visit him?" He asked as i slowly nodded.

"My cousin must be happy now in heaven then.Knowing youre still by his side all this time.I'll bet that he's always looking out for you up there"Junyoung stated as he looked up in the sky.I heaved a sigh and stand up.

I just can’t talk with him anymore.

He grab my wrist as his eyes widened after seeing the bruised on it,

"What the hell is this?Youre still hurting yourself?!" Junyoung shouted.I immediately hid my arms in my back.

"It’s none of your business" I said coldly as I start to walk away.

--

Upon reaching home i went straight to the bathroom.
I let the water flow in my body as i stared in space blankly.

I find my self looking at the mirror,

Damn you look terrible Aeri.

I'm in mess.

My eyebags and dark circles are all visible.It seems like there's a black aura surrounding all around me.

Am i still alive?

My eyes landed on my wrist.There's a several scar on it.

I always tried to hurt myself because i dont feel i'm living anymore.I'm surviving in this land but hell i feel like i'm a dead person.I may be breathing but i'm dead inside.

Here's the feeling again.

Hurt

Guilt

Anger

Longingness

I saw the scissor on the sink and quickly grab it and point in my wrist,trembling.

I closed my eyes as I let the blade feel my skin.

Blood are now slowly appearing.

Physical Pain...

I can feel the pain.That's a reminder for me that i still exist in this world.
.
.

I exist where Jungkook isn't..

--

As me and the three girls eating our dinner. Bella noticed the band aid wrapped in my wrist.

"Did you do something crazy again Aeri?" She said in high tone.I can feel that she's getting angry.

The two girls attention are now at me too.

"What did we tell you Aeri?! Huh!?" Bella said she's almost crying.

"Dont worry i didn't cut it deep-"

Jae's hand flew in my cheeks which made Joy startled and hold jae's arm.

"Yah! Why did you slapped her!"

"You want physical pain?Come here i'll give you tons of slap" This time my right cheek recieved her slapped.

I just stayed in silence letting jae do that to me.

Tears are now flowing in my cheeks,so do her.

"Why can't you see? Why can't you see we are still here for you huh?" Jae's voice broke as all of us are now crying.

"Why can't you live like you used to? Why can't you move on? WHY CAN'T YOU FORGET HIM?!WHY?!"

My jaw hardened hearing her words.

"MOVE ON?FORGET?HOW CAN I MOVE ON?HOW CAN I FORGET? HOW CAN I LIVE MY LIFE KNOWING THE FACT THAT I'M THE REASON WHY JUNGKOOK DIED?!I'M THE ONE WHO KILLED HIM!IT'S MY FAULT! EVERTHING IS MY FAULT!" I shouted,crying.

Jungkook...