Heartbeat

MOE

"Moe, listen to your heart. Don't overthink.", Ate Max said while patting my chest. 

"Easier said than done, ate" I sighed and looked out towards the lake. It looked so serene, contrasting compelely with the war going on inside my heart and my mind. I came here to try to get away, to step back, and to find answers but I felt just as conflicted. 

"........ Moe! Moe! nakikinig  ka ba?", I heard ate ask as she shook me out of my stupor. 

"Sorry ate, I spaced out. What were you saying?", I asked as I shifted my attention back to her.

"I said... maybe you need some time alone, as in, iiwan muna kita. Go and do something by yourself or go somewhere. Let's just meet for dinner. Maybe not thinking too much about this will help bring clarity."

"No, you won't have anyone to go around with. I'm ok", I said. 

"Anong ok?! In the 3 days we've been here, parang pasan mo ang mundo. I'll be ok on my own. Sanay ako dito sa Tokyo." 

"Are you sure?", I asked. 

"Yes, go!", she urged.

JEA

"I'm hungryyyyy....", I said as we waited for the pedestrian light to turn green. We've been walking for what felt like hours and we still haven't found the restaurant.

"Ikaw na talaga ang laging gutom! Konting tiis nalang, malapit na.", Joj laughingly replied as she and Jai checked the map again.

As we walked through the busy streets, I remembered doing the same thing with someone else at a different time. We walked for hours then, exploring side streets, trying the local cuisine, and listening to the street performers. I didn't even imagine that I would fall in love with him. I was just happy that we've become good friends. 

"Ano ba Jea?! Stop it! Diba you came here to recharge, to get away, and to reset your heart. As if naman you can reset it just like that... hay. Pero hindi puede kaya let go.", I thought to myself and sighed deeply.

"Ang lalim naman nun! Ito na po!", Joj said pointing to the restaurant.

"FOOD!", I shouted happily, momentarily forgetting about missing him.

MOE

I got off the train and walked around aimlessly until I found myself at a familiar place.

Starbucks.

My feet were tired and ate was still shopping so it was going to be a late dinner. I decided to go in. I ordered and found a seat by the windows overlooking the busy street below. 

As I sat there, my thoughts went back to her, like they've been doing the entire day. I smiled as I remembered how we'd sat on one of the couches, sipping hot chocolate, and getting to know each other. At that time, I didn't have any idea it would come to this point.

That started a flood of even more memories - laughing at each other's bloopers, fighting over what pizza to order, listening to each other's playlists, sharing goals and dreams, and just random small things. 

"I love her smile, her laugh....he... ", I shook myself from those thoughts. 

"Stopping yourself from thinking it doesn't change the truth.", I felt another voice in my head say.

"But, I can't. It's too complicated.", argued the other. I was too much of a coward. I was afraid of letting go of what I was used to, of what was familiar. 

"Arrrgggg", frustrated with myself, I stood up and threw my cup and left. 

 JEA

"Masaya ka na?", Joj asked me as we waited for the bill.

"Yeah, that ramen was so yummy!", I said with a forced smile on my face.

"Yeah ka dyan pero halatang pilit ang smile. May naalala ka na naman? Sabi kasi sayo guard your heart e.. ayan tuloy tayo ngayon. Tapos ano bakasyon nga para madistract pero hindi naman effective! Kasi dito pa talaga pinili!", she ranted while giving me a look.

"I know, I know, pero.... this it dba? Operation Letting Go!"

"Let it goo, let it goooo... pero iba din a kahit nga food na kaharap mo, naiisip mo  pa rin e!", she teased.

That made me laugh.

"Let's go na nga, ice cream at ishopping nalang natin to", I said. I was going to completely enjoy this vacation. I'm here with some of my bestest friends and I'm going to focus on that. 

And so we headed out in search of ice cream. 

MOE

I put on my earphones as soon as I waited for the light to change to green. Though still a bit troubled, I smiled to myself as the energy of Shibuya seemed to suck away my negative thoughts.

JEA

"Jai, tell Joj I'll just go to Starbucks. Mama wants me to buy her a city mug."

"Sabay na tayo, tawagin ko siya", she said.

"Ok lang, I'll go, dyan lang naman across the street. Enjoy pa siya pumili ng pasalubong e", I replied as I pointed out the Starbucks right across. 

"Sige, we'll wait for you here."

MOE

The light turned green and I stepped out into the street. I was looking at where I was going but not really. I was only semi-aware as the memories from a very special scene caught up to me.

JEA

As I crossed the street, I felt the rush of cold winter air hit me. My jacket was open. I reached down to pull the zipper up.

MOE

BAM! 

I suddenly became very aware of my surroundings. At first, all I could see was her hair then she moved and I could see her profile,

And then I could hear my heart beat even before our eyes met. And as they did... all the sounds faded away and I could only hear 1 thing, my heartbeat.

"Jea..."

And I knew, my heart and mind, were finally one.