I see you. Every day. You come to my garden every day and sit for hours, as if it was your only sanctuary. You seem so sad while you sit there yet no tears have ever flowed down your porcelein cheeks. Not a single drop falls from emerald eyes to kiss the ground at your feet. I wonder, just why do you come here? You are the friend of my sister, and yet, you actively seek out this place even when she isn't around. In the six months that I've known you, I've yet to ever hear you speak a single word or utter even the smallest of laughs. Oh, I've seen you with a smile upon your face while with your friends, but when you're all alone, and think you've none to see it, you lose that smile. That exuberance that can brighten any room is lost, and that saddens me. A pain in my heart that I hadn't felt in a very long time clenches the very muscle in my chest, taking my breath away.
Just what is the source of this sadness that encapsulates and envelops you? Why my garden in my home? What draws you to this place, and me to you? I find that I can't stop thinking of you during the day, and at night, my dreams are haunted of visions of you sitting where you always do. So sad, as if the life you had was sucked from you, and you're no more than a shell that exists in this world. We are not close, we are not friends, and yet, I can't help but wonder just who hurt you. What experience did you go through to make you as you are? You don't speak, nor have I ever heard you truly laugh. I imagine it's a sound like no other.
But now, as I kneel beside the bed you rest in, bleeding and unconscious, I can't help but fight back the tears that threaten to spill forth. You were badly injured, and not once did you cry out, not once did any sound come from within to show the pain you were in. A strong person, hell bent on keeping me out. Why? Why won't you come to me? You come to my garden, even when knowing I am home. Sometimes I sit with you in silence, wishing you'd say something. Anything. Emerald eyes stare into mine but they hold a deep pain that I can't even begin to fathom. What caused such a beautiful person to be so sad?
My hand slips into your own bloody and lukewarm one. I've been around death since I first came to be and yet to see it on yourself sickens and terrifies me. Am I to lose you before I am even able to hold you in my arms how I wish? That thought depresses me. A life without you in it is not one I wish to have. Please, just open your eyes. Let me see the eyes I fell so in love with without warning. Come back to me. Don't make me live the rest of my life without you. I know you are not mine, but if you come back, I'll do all in my power to make you mine. To show you the love that you need. I'll protect you and do all that I can to keep you safe. Just come back. Give me a chance to love you properly. Can you feel my love now? Are you able to feel my heart beating for you as I lay your hand upon my chest? I love you. I love you. I love you. Wake, open your eyes and these words I will say to you forever more.
A sudden noise within the room startles me, and brings my head up from your prone form. It takes a few moments to realize what I am hearing is the monitor above your head. It was no longer the low, steady beeping it once was. It seems to hiccup now and then. It seems to be calling out for attention, and it is granted by the presence of a nurse appearing in the room. What's happening, I ask but nothing is said. I hold your hand tightly in mine yet the next nurse to come in tells me I need to go. No! I refuse to leave you. Though you were not mine, and knew not of the love I grew to have for you, I wished for you to feel it now. I had to give you the love you never felt. Or perhaps once you did. I'll never know. I'm told you may not last much longer, and I should ready to say goodbye. I can't do it. A world without you...isn't worth living.
The physician came in just now. He places his hand upon my shoulder and tells me there's not much time. If you do not gain consciousness soon, you'll be taken from me. A squeeze of my shoulder and an "I'm sorry" spoken before he retreats once more. How? How could anything like this happen? It should have been me, I think to myself. If only I'd been faster, more attentive, I could have prevented this. I blame myself for this, even though I know it not to be my fault. We weren't close, and I'd never told of my feelings for you. Perhaps if I had, you wouldn't be here now, hooked to these many machines fighting to stay alive. It's not fair! I finally learn what love is, and I'm to lose it soon after. Love, to me, is you. I know this now. The sound on the monitor goes louder, the beeps more irregular but slow. I look up to see the nurse shaking her head and then look to the clock on the wall. She's waiting. The time of death. She's waiting to state those words. I can't bear to hear them.
I grip your hand tighter in mine. Begging you, pleading for you to wake up. Don't leave me. I need to see your eyes, your smile and to finally hear your beautiful voice. Just once. If I could only hear it just once, it'd be enough. Your hand is growing colder in my own. I know there isn't much time left and I internally rage against it. I finally found love, and one to cherish for all of my days only to lose you now. I tip my head skywards, closing my eyes while begging to any deity that will listen to spare your life. To take mine instead. If there has to be a world without one of us in it, I begged it to be my life that was missing. Everything I would give to you if I could die in your place. Please, please, just open your eyes.
My heart is breaking now. The nurse has come closer, knowing any moment you'd draw your last breath. I want nothing more than to push her away, to keep her away from you so that you couldn't do so. Why, why, why?! I rage in my mind while holding your hand in my own. What cruel fate allows me to find love now, only to rip it away in only a few short months? I curse fate to all the darkest recesses of the world. I am not a proud man. I beg, bargain, plead and, offer myself, in exchange for your light not being snuffed out so soon. I even offer to give what little soul I have left to any deity or being that could save you. All this in an effort to keep you at my side. A soft gasp is heard from the nurse, and my eyes turn downward quickly to meet your own beautiful emerald hues staring up at me.
Could my pleas have worked? Has a deity or being agreed to save you for me? So much pain fills your eyes, and I can not hold back the tears much longer. My heart swells with love for you though my mind rails against a false hope. You've opened your eyes. I'll never forget that shade of green. Like emeralds glinting in the sunlight. I wish to push my luck but I do not know that I dare. Swallowing hard I take that leap and make my request to hear your voice. Just once. Once was enough. Only once and I'd be a happy man the rest of our lives. It was then that your lips parted, and you spoke only three little words. "I love you." A beautiful voice. Just as I had imagined. It was as if an angel spoke in your stead, though I knew it in my heart that you were my angel. How true would those thoughts become. I got my wish. I got to hear your voice in that moment....and in the next, you died.
I...am a broken man who lost his will to speak.
