Imagination

Pressure - Paramore OneShot

                                                                                                                                     I'm sitting here all alone.

The sharp silver stainless steel blade sits by my side on the cream carpet. I’m on my knees staring at the blade that can help me sort out my terrible fucked up world.

I feel lonely and empty inside. I've lost all signs of hope. I can feel the pressure dawning in on me.

I've missed out on life since everything has been torn from me. I just don't understand why the people I love have been torn right out of my life! You can somewhat say my days haven’t seen sun light. Since everything started to go horribly wrong all I’ve seen is darkness.

Everything is down to pressure!

People just keeping putting pressure on me and not realizing that one day I will burst and won't be able to take any more of it! And that day is today!! I would be better off without all this pressure but I guess this is what it takes to make it all go away.

Everyone expects so much from me. I'm sick and tired of having to live up to people's expectations! It ends here and now!

I've got nothing left! I've lost everything! I've lost my little sister thanks to my crack head of a mother! She was far too busy getting high to watch her four year old daughter swimming in the sea while I went for ice cream and to get a coffee for her. The sea swept her away. Swept away the only thing that ever made perfect sense to me.

I will never forgive my mother for that. I don’t know how she can live with herself after that! You would think after my little sister’s death she would give up on the drugs but no her stupid drug use got worse. It got bad to the point that I’m now living with my dad. I never want to see my mother again. She may not feel guilty but I sure as hell do.

I keep thinking that it was my entire fault. I guess I was stupid enough to believe just maybe once my mother would take us to the beach completely sober no drugs or drink but as soon as I turned my back she was as high as a kite. I guess that explains the hurry for her coffee! I despise her for it and since that day I haven’t spoke to her and I never will!

When everything went terribly wrong in my life I had no one! No one I could turn to or show my feelings to or open up to.

That was until I started talking to a boy from school; Heath. He was just what I needed. He was always there for me. He would listen to everything I would have to say. I could tell him anything he was like my own little diary. He helped me through my little sister's death. He would cuddle me when I cried and sometimes we would fall asleep in each other’s arms. He made everything seem okay even if it wasn't. I fell for him and I was sure he fell for me. Just when I thought he was mine she stole him away from me.

The guy I thought I loved what stolen from me by one of the popular skanks from school.

That ripped my heart. That makes the pain of my sister's death tremendously worse. After her death I thought my life couldn’t get worse but I believe now it has! I ask myself many questions’ they always wonder through my head. But now I'm like this they dig even more into my brain.

Did he ever love me?

Or was he just using me like he does with all of the other chicks?

But if he did love me would he even be able to be stolen from me?

Why did she steal him from me?

When he was single why didn't she steal him then?

Or is she just doing this to fuck with my mind?

Why has everything good in my life been ruined?

I guess I will never know as I'm leaving all this behind. I'm going to break any second now!

How is my sister doing in heaven?

Can she see me? What would she think if she knew what I'm contemplating...?

She was so young, growing I never was happy...  Untill I was blessed with her. She saved my life, it had always been hard for us. but we had each other. Now here I am alone, I've got no one. I have my dad but he's always working... He's a world class lawyer, I barely see him. I'm lucky if I see him once every two weeks.

Heath had always helped me through this tough times and dark thoughts. Me and him were better off without her. We were fine until little Miss perfect got her way and stole him from me. She doesn't understand how in love I was with him.

After the death of my little sister and the trouble with my druggy mother he was the only good thing left in my sorry ass life now I don't even have him!

What happened to all the time we spent together away from home? Was all the time we spent together a waste? Where did they all go? They got stolen away from us that is what happened?

He is better off without me they all are? Tears of pain and sorrow shed from my precious green hair.

I pick up the knife and push it against my wrists. Blood pours out all over the cream carpet. My long red hair gets in the way of my eye sight so I push it behind my ear.

I stare into the mirror as I cut deeper I cry in pain but carry on cutting. It's my only way out. The sharp pain stings as it cuts in deeper making my body wince. There is nothing left for me but to sit back and sing until my death...

“Tell me where our time went and if it was time well spent, just don't let me fall asleep feeling empty again.

Because I fear I might break and I fear I can't take it, tonight I'll lay awake feeling empty.

I can feel the pressure, it's getting closer now, we're better off without you. I can feel the pressure It's getting closer now, we're better off without you.

Now that I'm losing hope and there's nothing else to show for all of the days that we spent carried away from home.

.

Some things I'll never know and I had to let them go I'm sitting all alone feeling empty.

I can feel the pressure it's getting closer now, we're better off without you. I can feel the pressure

it’s getting closer now we're better off without you.

Without you.

Some things I'll never know and I had to let them go, some things I'll never know and I had to let them go. I'm sitting all alone feeling empty.

I can feel the pressure it's getting closer now. We're better off without you.

Feel the pressure it’s getting closer now. You're better off without me…”