The sunlight sifts through my brown hair and sends pain at the back of my head with its unwanted entry in my eyes. I turn to a tidy room which is strange since I'm practically a living ruin.
Your half smoked cigarette is staring at me in confusion. The scent of your flesh still roams inside these four walls of our little haven .Your orphaned books sit in mourn ; dethroned from tasting the flavours of your satin fingers.The globe resting on your table reminds me of all our nirvanic escapades into the arms of serene world destinations.
I sniff your cloths hunting for your odour only to be intoxiated with the faint virile of your cologne ; something that would always give you away when you'd be within my vicinity.
My only comfort lies in reliving your existence ; your sweet smile , your tanned skin , your husky voice , your wide forehead , your black eyes , your black hair all come flashing back to tease me.
There is so much diseased emptiness dancing around me that even air feels contagious. Hasan keeps asking about you and I just stare in his black eyes , smiling at how much he is like his father.I admit ignoring him but you have to admit it wont be the same now that you're gone. I am afraid he'll miss out on so much ; so much that I cant offer him and we could have. I am afraid I might not be the best mom ; I might keep zoning out around him and it might freak him out when I'd go on days without talking or smiling. But you know I will love him unfathomable ; like he's a piece of you that couldnt be pulverized ; the breathing sparks in your ashes.
I wont grow over this fidelity because when I vowed , I vowed from my heart.I want you to know you left me a proud widow and I'd rather live alone than let anyone take your place ; you've raised the standards too high. When they brought your lifeless body , I dont know why I didnt cry.Maybe because life seemed too cruel for something like this. Parts of me reasoned this was only a figment. But it was only when they took you away that I realized my home had fallen apart before we could have put up the tenth brick in the wall.I'm searching for the crumbs , cutting myself from bits and pieces , to put together what was ours. But I'm only met with anguish.But honey , you live in my heart and I , in yours and I hope you'd be waiting for me on the other side to let our worlds collide and let the era of never parting began.
Till then
With love ,
Yours
