My room is filled with fire.
My lungs are filled with smoke.
My head is filled with memories.
Was this necessary?
I just wanted to hear that three words.
I just wanted to hear that fucking sentence and none of this would happen.
I just wanted to hear
,,I chose you".
It's all just because of him.
I fell in love with him.
His face.
His voice.
His personality.
But he didn't love me.
He loved him.
I just wanted him to say
,,I love you too", but he only said ,,Sorry, I chose him."
Park Jimin.
Boy that I loved.
His beautiful orange hair,
his beautiful smile,
the way how his eyes closed when he was laughing.
I loved everything about him.
Even the smallest details.
But then there was Jungkook.
Jeon Jungkook.
My friend.
My best friend.
He was supposed to help me.
But he didn't.
He was the only person who knew about my crush for Jimin.
Few hours ago we were in my room in our dorm.
We talked about everything.
Food, clothes, music and mostly Jimin.
I noticed that he's always acting weird when we talk about him, but today it was
different.
I noticed that he was looking at me with sadness in his eyes.
But what he said next shocked me.
He said ,,Hyung? I-I have something to tell you."
I saw that he was really nervous.
,,I...I love him too."
No.
This can't be true.
This can't be happening.
I felt anger boiling in my veins as I started shouting
,,No! You're fucking lying! Stop!"
I don't know what happened but I was so sad and angry at the same time.
I didn't want to hurt him but I couldn't stop myself.
It was...like I wasn't myself anymore.
Like there was someone else in my body.
I started throwing things.
Vase.
Chair.
Books.
Everything.
He tried to stop me but it was impossible.
Suddenly, I felt sharp pain on my jaw.
This motherfucker punched me.
I punched him back and I don't know how and we were covered in blood.
,,Stop!"
I heard someone shout.
I looked at the direction where door were and I saw him.
Jimin was standing here, not being able to say a single word.
,,What the fuck did just happen?"
He finally asked.
I could hear so much anger in his voice.
,,Nothing"
Jungkook aswered quietly.
,,Nothing?
Whole Suga's room is destroyed and you're covered in blood from head to toe and you say nothing?
You have 5 minutes to tell me what the fuck did you just fight over."
He basically yelled the whole sentence.
I never saw him this mad, so I decided to speak before he gets even more angry.
,,We-we fought over....you."
I whispered the last part, hoping that he won't hear it.
,,Over me? Why would you two fight over me?"
he asked, surprised.
,,Because...we love you"
Jungkook whispered.
,,Give me...give me some time."
he said as he walked to his room.
He ignored us for two days.
Two fucking days.
On third day, I heard soft knock on my door.
,,Come in."
I said and waited for that person to enter my room.
It was Jimin.
He looked really sad, like he was going to break into tears any second.
He looked me, and just said those three words I feared the most.
I chose him.
,,But I-I love you"
I sobbed.
,,I love you more that he would ever do!
I would die for you!"
,,Sorry".
I stood up from my bed and left my room.
I put on my shoes and up my keys of the car, ready to leave this house.
,,Where are you going?"
I heard someone ask me.
Yeah, where am I going?
I didn't have a place to go, but I was too sad to care.
I just wanted to get out of there.
I unlocked my car, sat into it and turned on the engine.
After 20 minutes of pointless driving through the streets of Seoul, I decided to go to my hometown, Daegu.
After almost 3 hours of driving I finally came here. But then I remembered that I have no place to go.
I looked inside of my wallet.
10,000₩.
Good, I should be able to rent a motel room for a night with that.
After few minutes, i was already lying on the bed in my room.
It was not that beautiful but at least I had a place to stay.
But then I remembered.
I remembered his face, when he said that he chose him.
I remembered that feeling when I heard his shaking voice.
I stood up from my bed and came to my car.
I opened the trunk and pulled out canister with a gasoline.
I locked my car and went back to my motel room. I opened the canister and started to pour gasoline everywhere.
On the floor, on te bed, on the walls, on myself.
When I finished, I lay down on the bed, thinking about my life.
I had everything.
Fame, fans, money, family, friends, but I wanted just one thing.
I wanted Jimin.
I loved him but he broke my heart just because of Jungkook.
I hate him.
I hate them.
I hate myself.
I hate everything.
I sighed, pulling a lighter from my pocket.
One wrong step and I'll be dead.
Do I really want this?
No.
I don't, but they do.
So why won't give them what they want?
I dropped the lighter on the ground, watching the room fill with smoke and flames.
I smelled nothing but a smoke.
So this is my end?
This is how I will die?
It's all because of you, Park Jimin.
,,I love you."
I whispered my last words.
