3 Months

001

Graduation is supposed to be the time of your life. You're supposed to be proud of all of your accomplishments you made in high school. Proud that you made it. Not being sad that your whole world is a ticking time bomb that only has 30 days left on it.  But thats how i felt the moment I walked off the stage back to my seat. The entire car ride to my friends house. Just trying to come up for ways to fix the inevitable. 

It was May 27th. On September 2nd Taryn would be gone. Across the country. September second was the deadline for something I'd worked on and tried to preserve my entire life. I gazed out the window. The stars were beginning to fade into the sky. They were gentle. The music was blaring but to me it only sounded like background noise to the roaring ocean of thoughts in my head. The scent of pot coming from the passengers seat knocked me to my senses. I thought about smoking, it might help calm the waves. It might give me a little hole to crawl into for a little bit so I could stop thinking about how much I just wanted a lifetime with this girl instead of three measly months. I asked for a hit but it just made the thoughts in my head swirl even more becoming a storm I could not control. The car stopped in front of Taryn's house. Dan's raspy voice was like a small wakeup call that I had to move. I had to move through the sea of thoughts and face the storm. "Get out so we can go already." I opened the door and stepped out. The air was warm. I don't know what I expected the air to feel like. It was Northern California in the summer for Christ's sake. 

The moment my door shut the engine sputtered as they drove off to go party. I walked up the stairs, the familiar creaking of the old floorboards was comforting. I rung the door bell and it opened to the familiar face of Taryn's mother. "Hey Mrs. Jacobs." I said forcing a smile. She smiled and gave me a warm welcoming hug and let me inside. She wasn't much for talking. I could relate to that in some senses. 

I walked up the creaking stairs to Taryn's room. She was sitting on the windowsill. Staring out. Spacing out. "Hey." I said. The waves were calm. Her room smelled of old spices. It was warm and familiar. She was playing gentle calming music. She always was. She turned around. Her eyes were warm. She smiled. Thats my Taryn. Always happy to see me, always calming the storm inside my head. She stood up and in a second she was standing looking up at me. God she was short. "I would have thought you'd be out partying with Dan and Kaleb." She beamed. She was always happy to see me. "I'd rather come here. Besides, I'm not much for crowds of people." I replied. She smiled and sat down on her bed. 

The ocean in my mind was calm. The waves weren't pounding at the shore, they were slowing going in and out. They were calm. But there is always calm before another storm. I sat down at the other end of her bed and sat criss cross. "So, did you give anymore thought to college?" She asked. I winced. The waves began to rise. "No..I think I'll wait a while." I replied. She frowned. "Levi..." She murmured. "I don't want to talk about that right now Tar." I answered. She sighed and turned on the television. She flipped through some movies. "You up for a marathon?" She asked. I nodded. 

We watched most of the Harry Potter series. She loved magic. Anything that wasn't real she was infatuated with. Probably why she was infatuated with me. Because in some senses I am not real. Or at least she's said that before. We met in our high school Biology class in Freshman year. She said I wasn't real to her in some senses. Because I wasn't a typical cliche. I was nothing. I was flat. I was sturdy. I didn't have any ambition. I wanted to graduate high school and that was all. I didn't have any other side motives. In some ways it felt good to be called that. In others it felt almost like an insult. To me she was real. She was so fucking real. She was a planet and I was just a moon in her orbit. She was spectacular. She was the sun. She was Taryn. There was no Taryn without Levi. Thats what people said. I went where Taryn went. 

It was around 1 am. She was fast asleep against me. Her eyes were closed and she was snoring softly. I laid her down gently and got out of bed and left. I just kept walking. I didn't stop walking. I didn't know where I was going  but my head was a storm I could not control and that was the problem. I called Dan. I could hear the music and voices around him. "Where are you?" I asked. He tried to reply but I couldn't understand his garbled speech so I hung up. There was no point. Three months wasn't enough time. My phone buzzed. "Where did u go???"   It was Taryn. "for a walk. coming back now" I replied. I reluctantly walked back. She was on her front porch frowning. "Levi.." she began. I crouched down. "Tar stop." I hissed. "You do realize that in 3 months this is all over." Everything is Tar. Theres no point anymore." I choked. She looked hurt but she nodded. "I know Levi." "Then why are we even still here Tar. I'm not me without you." I seethed. "I don't know." She replied. 

Her eyes welled with tears and I just held her against me. She shuddered with each wail and it felt like a tsunami inside. I kissed her. My hands ran up into her hair and we kissed. We kissed because we knew it was almost the end. We kissed because we knew our planets would fall out of orbit. We knew our worlds had just been struck by a national disaster. I pulled away and looked her in the eyes. She smiled at me in the way that always made my heart melt. We went back inside and kissed more. She smiled at me and said I should go. So I left. 

And thats how we split up. It's how my entire world turned upside down.