Tragedy blooms in the dark

Mirror

Alex POV

I stepped out of the shower, body free of grease or sweat.
I quickly dry myself and head to my room to get ready for school.
I dry and dress myself.
First underwear, socks and a bra.
I adjust my breast into the C cup bra and stand back to examine myself in the mirror.
I judge myself in front of the mirror.
No.
No.
It's not right.
My reflection isn't who I am.
It's like I'm looking at someone else.
My hands go to my chest, squeezing and pressing the flesh.
This isn't mine.
This isn't mine.

I take in a deep breath as I grab a dress I had set up to wear for school yesterday.
A black and pink floral piece with lace edge that dipped in the front to show cleavage.
The tightening in my chest and stomach escalated.
With numb arms I tore it off and threw it on my bed.
Why.
Why today.

I grab a simple blouse with buttons in the front and a pair of high waisted jeans.
The jeans were tight fit on my hips causing my normally small and dented hips looked full and feminine with the love handles to complete the look.
The blouse fit my chest tight.
So tight the buttons held gaps between each one, intensifying the anxiety that wrapped in coils in my chest and stomach.
My throat tightened as I struggled to take it off.

I caught a glimpse of my reflection while my face was covered in the sheer fabric of my blouse.
Long delicate torso, skin soft and feminine breast and pudge in my belly.
I angrily threw it on the bed as I stomped to my closet.
I searched the winter section.
The section where all my sweaters and button ups hid.
I tore off my bra and grabbed my tightest and most solid sport bra, content with how it made my chest appear smaller.

I gingerly pulled out a slightly baggy white button up shirt with a dark brown tie.
I felt the tightness in my chest unravel slowly.
Good.
This is good.
I'll be fine.
I hastily took off my pants, allowing them to pool on the floor before stepping into black trousers.

There we go.
Much better.
Now for one final touch.
I climbed my stool and rummaged around the top of my closet, smile splitting my face when I found what I was looking for.
I carefully took out my tan suitcase, slowly and gently unzipping it to remove my pixie cut wig along with a beanie.

I hurriedly pulled on the wig cap, methodically shoving my naturally long and curly locks of hair into the netting before carefully hiding it with a short brown wig that resembled my natural hair. 

Now for the little things.
Adjust the shirt so it's seams make my shoulders seem slightly wider.
Put the tie in a small knot to make my chest seem smaller.
Fill in my eyebrows with eyeshadow powder to make them look thicker than usual.
Adjust the wig so it's hair frames my face and look like its a natural part of me.
There.
Done.

My heart leaped out if my chest with joy when I saw the end result.
With these clothes I looked like a boy.
Today I wasn't Eliza.
Today I was Elijah.
I secured my hair with a plain black beanie before going to the bathroom to finish getting ready.
Today'll be ok.
Today I'm Elijah.
Nobody can say otherwise.