Blood

Prologue - Lauren

~Prologue~

            Devon wouldn’t stop looking at me the whole P.E. period. What did he want from me? What could I possibly have to offer him? My body. Of course, that was an obvious one. I mean that’s probably what he wanted from me. After all it was all Spencer wanted me for; why should Devon be any different?

I closed my eyes tightly and sighed. Stupid life. Stupid boys. Stupid burning wrists. I glanced down nonchalantly as I walked into the locker room. The new cuts I had made last night were swelling. Just great. I shook my head, and pressed my wrist against my shirt.

I walked into my aisle of lockers, and squeezed through the mob of people. My friends Fendall and Faye were already there, talking, laughing, and smiling. I envied them.

They lived so easily. Never worrying about someone seeing cuts on their wrist, and sending them to a physiological ward. Fendall had cut before, but had stopped recently. She turned to me as I approached them.

“Hey.” She says blankly as she plays with her lock for her locker. Faye looks at me too, but stays quiet. Lately I’ve been pushing all my friends away; I’m not surprised she has decided to stop talking to me.

“Hi.” I say quieter than I want; words just don’t seem to form well in my throat anymore. Fendall turns back to Faye, and continues talking. I shrug, and unlock my locker, pulling out my jeans and long sleeve shirt. Fendall looks down at me as I pull out my shoes next. She sits down next to me on the locker room bench. She leans in close to my ear.

“I saw them.” She whispers so Faye doesn’t hear.

“What?” I ask, playing stupid.

“Don’t play stupid. You know what.”

“I don’t know what.” I hiss at her under my breath, and look into her dark brown eyes.

“Fine. Play stupid. See if I care.” Fendall stands up, and continues talking to Faye about some annoying boy in their P.E.

 I block out their voices, and continue getting dressed back into my school clothes. Fendall is smart; yet she is failing all her classes, for reasons unknown to me. I can’t believe she would accuse me of cutting. I mean I am, but she shouldn’t accuse me of it. At least not when we are so close to Faye. Faye is so innocent, I wouldn’t want to ruin that for her, not in the way I ruined my own innocence. I try to protect her by not talking to her; I wish she could understand that. I pull on my shoes, tying the laces tightly, and only knotting it once. I stand to leave, as I am walking towards the door Fendall pulls me back. 

“Show me.” She demands. I look behind us in case anyone is listening, but no one is. I pull up my sleeve, and reveal the battlefield that is my arm. She gasps slightly.

“So many…” she whispers half to herself. She reaches out to touch the fresh ones, but I pull away before she can. She flinches from the sudden movement, and looks back up at me. Her eyes are flooded with hurt.

“Why, boo?” She asks me, grabbing my hand. I bet she used our nickname we have for each other to make me feel even worse. People think if they can make me feel sorry enough for them I’ll stop, but they don’t know that nothing will stop me, not even their hypothetical “love”.

“You have Scott. Why do you still cut? Don’t you love him?” She looks into my eyes; searching them the way Devon did earlier before I walked into the locker room.

“I do love him.” I pull away from her grasp, and pull down my sleeve again before anyone sees.

“So then why do you still cut?” She searches my eyes again, like they hold all the answers. I shake my head. How could Fendall, of all people, understand what I am going through? I shut my mouth tightly and press my lips down together; I feel their cracked, dry surface rub against each other.

“Because.” I say simply, turning my head away from her so she doesn’t see the tears daring to form in my eyes. How could I possibly tell her that Aiden still haunts my thoughts; he still kisses me softly in my dreams? Without sounding completely crazy. I decide its better not to say anything.

“I have to go to English.” I say coarsely. She nods, and looks down at her feet.

“Well if you ever need someone to talk to, boo. I’m here.” She looks into my eyes one more time, and then turns back to continue changing. I look at the door and sigh; this day just gets better and better. I push open the door, and walk into the light outside.

Winter should be starting any day now, and light gray clouds linger around in the blue sky. I step over a hose strewn across the ground outside the locker rooms. Time to start the long trek to the portables for English. What luck I was in today because Hunter suddenly walks out just as I do. He turns around and looks at me.

“Hey.” He smiles, and approaches me. I smile weakly back.

“Hey.” I say quietly.

“So where are you headed?” he asks me as we walk towards the stairs together.

“English.” The words are flat and hold no emotion.

“I’m going to math.” He replies, not even looking at me.

“Cool.” I breathe out.

“Yeah.” He looks to the right once we reach the top of the stairs. Suddenly the bell rings around us, and people file on to their next class. The noise lingers in my ears, and makes me flinch a bit. Hunter starts to walk to the right.

“Well I’m going this way.” He says while walking away. His eyes never leave mine. I feel their blueness drawing me in and holding me there.

“Okay. Bye.” I say turning away my head. I turn left, and walk towards English. His dark blue eyes remind me of Aiden’s in a way. I close my eyes briefly and picture Aiden’s. The way he used to look at me with so much love they seemed to glow. I miss that glow. I open my eyes, and continue walking. Have to keep moving. Don’t cry, not here. I feel that familiar drop of my heart, and know instantly that I need my razor. I need it now. Thoughts of Aiden swarm me and pin my heart down. I look up at the sky, knowing that if I look up the tears will dissipate and no one will notice.

Scott then appears from around the corner. He’s walking back from study hall; a special period that some people have to get homework help. He pulls me in his arms the way Aiden used to, and my head falls onto his shoulder, I suddenly feel very tired.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He asks me, holding me tighter. I shrug against him.

“Nothing.”

He puts his hand under my chin and forces me to look at him. My eyes feel heavy.

“Lauren, tell me.”

I shake my head. I don’t feel like explaining about Aiden right now.

“Lauren.” He says firmly.

I shake my head more vigorously, and lay my head down on his shoulder again; happy that he’s supporting my head. He forces me to look at him once more.

“Lauren…” He starts to say, but I hush him.

“It’s just Aiden again.” I shrug like it’s no big deal.

“Oh.” He says not meeting my gaze. I sigh, and lay my head back down.

“You and me will get through this. I promise you, Lauren.” He adds.

I nod against him, and then pull away. I meet my lips with his, and hug him again.

“I should go.” I whisper into him. This time he nods. He pulls away from me a little then kisses me lightly. He lets go, and continues walking to his next class. I keep walking too. I only look back once.