dear diary, lately, i've been thinking about how every person on earth experiences each day differently. it's not helping. my loneliness is killing me and just by thinking about all the good things other people are experiencing right now, the ones that i could be doing, i feel lonelier. it's like i can't feel happiness any more. i'm miserable! so much that, when i went to buy cigarettes earlier today, and i saw a group of people across the street laughing, i wondered how can they be laughing? dont they know what's happening? as if they should care. sometimes i just forget that i'm alone in this. no one gives a shit about me. even if someone did care enough to listen, they would just run away. who would even want to be involved in all this? i'm constantly worried, maybe even scared. i feel like my room has started getting smaller. my own little prison, trying to swallow me whole. it's driving me mad! i think i'm falling apart. i feel empty, like there's a void where my heart once was. sometimes i yell, furious. 'I don't deserve this!'. some other times, i want to hit my head on a wall. I deserve this, more than anyone. i caused this. i probably should just give up, stop trying. hopefully, i'll stop being reminded. hopefully. because, i realised, there comes a time in life when you're too tired to act and all you can do is just accept whatever comes to you. and right now, i'm worn out.
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