so eigth grade. it started out as most oher grades start out. horribly. i mean after that long and lazy summer, who wants to go back? but there i was, first day. a little excited to see what classes i would get and who would be in them. it didnt really matter that much for me. im sort of a loner. i have some friends but not a constant best friend i can tell everything to.
a couple months ago i was reading this magazine that said you dont even need friends to express how you feel. you can find other ways to get out your emotions. there was qa long list of things you could do. so i chose one. thats when i started designing. and i dont mean just clothes. im talking bed covers, curtains, entire rooms, even cars. yeah i was certainly expressing myself. and it helped. i could feel myself changing and growing and becoming a better person. but not completly. i mean i still had the worst name a person could have. but everything was getting better. even home life. designing really brought me back to life.
being a new me and everything, i felt like i had more confidence. i could tackle this. and maybe i could make Ryder like me. this could work.
i decided to design a whole wardrobe for myself. it took the entire weekend. and i wouldnt say it was a complete fail. it was very unique and....me. i picked out my best outfit fopr monday. it was a stencil print black and white dress that was really poofy. like too-too poofy. and it was strapless so i had to wear a sweater that i sewed. just wore jeans underneith it.
when i got to school on monday i got alot of strange looks. like "is she seriously wearing that?"
but i just kept walking confidently and surely because not everyone can love it, right? i went through all my classes. some girls said "nice outfit" and i thought they were being serious and said thank you but then they turned around and laughed down the hall. i was mortifyed. i wanted to go home. i couldnt stay here. but i knew both my parents were working today.
lunch time came and i got in the lunch line like i normally do, but there was some of the jerks in my grade standing behind me. i was nervous. i got all the way to the front of the lne to pay, when someone shoved me from behind. hard. my tray flew out of my hands and i went tumbling after it. everything went in slow motion then. i fell to the ground slowly as i watched my tray topple down and all the food go flying off of it. it landed in a messy pile on the floor. then i came falling right after it. i put my hands out to stop myself from falling on the food but i was just shoved too hard. when my hands touched the dirty ground, there was so much force in that push that i just kept falling. until i landed smack on the floor and flood was all over my clothes.
i got up slowly. the whole cafeteria was looking at me. i looked back at them for what seemed like an eternity. then i ran off. i wouldnt stay there and be humilitated. i could hear the guys who pushed me laughing their buts off. i knew the whole cafeteria would join in soon enough.
"what a stupid thing to do!" one person would say.
"she totally had it coming to her though! what wearing that thing and attracting so much attention" another girl would say.
and Ryder. ryder would laugh with his friends. he would laugh at the pathetic thing that liked him so much. i wouldnt stand for this. after i scraped all the crap off me i walked home. and i cried. then i layed in my bed and went to sleep for the rest of the day. i wanted to sleep for the rest of the year. what was i suppose to do now?
