All It Takes

Chapter 1 // Clashed

Chapter 1 // Clashed

~ ~ ~

20 years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bow line.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sail.
Explore. Dream. Discover.
- Mark Twain

~ ~ ~

I've never been an enigma, much less a complex person. One look at me and you could practically figure my life out. I've lived a plain bagel life, a life filled with endless possibilities, but I stay in the comforts of my own zone. People don't take the time to figure me out, they just look at me and know. They know I'm not a socialite or a girl who can charm her way through batted eyelashes and girly giggles, and they know I don't have the capacity to be sophisticated and have the energy to talk my mind away. But I know—which is the most important thing—where my place is in life.

I'm above Benny Forrester, who likes to 'flirt' with girls by poking them incessantly on the shoulder, and above Thomas Knight, who is so suave he might just be like the shampoo. Basic (ha chemistry humor), bitter, and is filled with the overwhelming scent of artificial apples. The last place? Below Nina Carson, who embodies the devil and a goddess persona all wrapped in one.

And maybe that's why I can't seem to like school. Don't get me wrong, I love to learn and be able to just explore the world in any way possible. But high school is filled with bedroom eyed populars, jocks who can't control their inflated egos, and nerds who snag any chance to correct you about the way you pronounce 'minutiae'.

So maybe that's why I can't seem to shut off my alarm, and maybe to why I'd rather stay under a silky smooth lavender blanket and ignore the annoyance that's bound to build up on my first day.

Right now, all I need is the strength to get through the first day of school. Stress courses through my veins and never leaves, my thoughts leave me anxiety ridden and helpless, and even the quick flash of my future leaves me shell shocked and I feel completely unprepared.

Ten minutes ago, I laid peacefully on my mattress. Not a care in the world, and not a single thought about school.

You're probably laughing.

Hazel, it takes you only ten minutes to get dressed?!

Truth is, yeah.

I sigh in contempt at my reflection and I notice little smudges of fingerprints on the mirror, but I'm only trying to distract myself from the obvious mess of a human being that I am looking at.

And by senior year, you would think that every girl at least knows how to put on makeup, and knows how to curl, crimp, and straighten their hair to perfection.

But I don't.

I'm busy with homework, studying, and reading to look up for just a second at the vortex that is swirling towards me. Those three things offer me a hand to escape the hole that high school is.

I hear Stella's engine humming on my driveway and smack some lip balm on my lips, to try to pass it off as lip gloss. My conscience cackles at this attempt.

I ignore the insecurities that are about to bubble up and burst out like lava.

I have other priorities than watching my weight or trying to look 'pretty'.