CHAPTER FOUR

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It was almost two decades ago that his brother had been murdered. Murdered in cold blood, ripped from this world far too early. Gerard cursed himself for it every day; if he hadn't been away at art school, he could have been at home and been there to protect Mikey. It was after that incident he joined the law career and became a detective. He left art behind and joined a path where he could seek vengeance and prevent it from happening to other people. Other people like Mikey.

There would always be lives lost. He could only stop so much. And he knew the pain when someone lost a loved one. In this case, it was much less a friend, but the first person to show her true kindness in years. The one who got dragged into it simply by meeting Lindsey.

Lindsey wasn't much help on the scene. She didn't even dare step foot into the apartment, let alone investigate. She had been stuck in the doorway, head in her hands, kneeled down on the floor and sobbing. Sobbing about the loss of young life, a young woman who was taken too early. She blamed herself. She knew the murderer must have been a colleague of hers, someone who knew about her and her recent release. She blamed herself for Melanie's murder.

Now, she was sitting on Gerard's kitchen floor, knees pulled to her chest and staring at the tile. She didn't make a sound nor a movement as if she was frozen. She was frozen in shock. Shocked at what she had witnessed. Shocked at what she had seen.

He sat down in front of her, studying her for any sign of a reaction. Nothing.

"Do you want a blanket?" he asked. Silence, "Or something to drink?"

She continued to stare at the floor, with a blank expression. Gerard sighed, standing up.

"I'll get you a blanket."

He left the kitchen, giving her a sad look. He walked out to the living area, grabbing a blanket off the back of the sofa. He went back in and kneeled down beside her, draping it over her shoulders. She had no reaction as if she didn't recognise it.

"I'm sorry, Lindsey. I really am."
"It's my fault," she mumbled. Her voice cracked and was damaged from the sobs and screams followed by complete silence. It held no emotion and no feeling. Just a monotone sound emitted from a shell.
"It's not your fault, Lindsey. You had no idea she was going to die."
"The murderer has to know me. He had to know about Melanie."
"We don't know that. When you got out, it was published in the newspaper. A little research and they'd have gotten that name. They're just screwing with your head. They're trying to get in."
"But they got Melanie. They got her."
"It was just a coincidence, Lindsey. There was no way they could have known about you two meeting."

Lindsey stared into the nothingness, going back into the silence. Gerard was genuinely concerned.

"Hey, c'mere."

He pulled her into his lap, sitting down on the floor and hugging her tightly. She was tense at his actions at first but soon relaxed into his touch. Gerard felt a small victory, hoping someday he'd be able to gain her trust. He began to gently finger comb her hair, trying to get the knots out. He could tell it had been a while since she had showered and her clothes were visibly dirty. He didn't understand how someone like this could have been the leader of something so big and dangerous. He didn't understand how she was capable of having kissed him that first day, to have fucked him that night years ago. He didn't understand any of it. He didn't understand her. And it was strange. He studied people and he had a decent understanding of them. He could figure people out and read them well. But Lindsey was different. He didn't know where to start or how to categorise her. She was a mess.

"No one's hugged me like this in years," she murmured, "Not since Jimmy took me."
"Hm?" Gerard made a small noise in question.
"When Jimmy kidnapped me. Back in high school. I missed getting hugs like this."
"You haven't been hugged in the last twenty-something years?"
"Not really. Not a real hug."
"Well, here is one."

Lindsey relaxed into Gerard's arms, taking a deep breath. She seemed at peace, even though that morning's situation would not eradicate itself from her mind.

"Gerard?"
"Yeah?" he asked, smiling at her gently.
"Is it stupid to love someone?"
"No. Not at all. Why?"
"Everyone I've ever loved has turned around and hurt me. Or I fall in love with the ones who hurt me."
"I'm sure you'll find someone."
"Really, Gerard? At this point in life? You're thirty-nine. I'm fucking forty. I'm not going to find someone." 
"Maybe their closer then you think. I don't know."

Lindsey shrugged, snuggling up against Gerard.

"I'm just tired. I'm tired and I want to sleep."
"Alright. Come on, let's go to bed."

Gerard picked her up bridal-style and carried her through the penthouse, making his way to his room. He gently set her down on his bed and went to the closet, changing into his pyjamas. He came back to see her passed out and snoring on his bed, chain draped awkwardly to the side. He sat down next to her, gently rubbing her back. They had been up all night and she was exhausted. He did all he could at the scene, but he had to go home and take care of her. And here he was. The chain was there, though, and it screamed at him. It screamed 'take me off. free me.' He wanted to, so bad. He wanted to take them off and start to get to know her as a person.

He reached for the drawer next to him, opening it and pulling out the key.


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