Time will pass

My Body My Choice

Why did I think you two were different?

You both did the same things in different ways

Yet its funny I only truly thought I loved one of you

When now Im realising that shouldnt have loved either of you

or been with either of you.

You both asked for my body in ways i wasnt ready to give.

To the first, Lucas.

You were forward with it. You would always ask and ask

"sleep with me, Have sex with me, Please have sex with me I love you"

You said these things over and over again.

I would think about crying but i knew you would hear through the small earbuds

I held in my ears.

To my second, Scott

You did the same but your approach was different

Instead of asking when I wasnt with you.

You would ask when I was next you.

You would wait for things to get heated between us, when we were in the moment with each other.

You would momentarily pause the kissing and through heavy breathing you would always just say

"Do it please and come on please" and when I would always hesitate and say no

You would look at me sad and just stop being happy with me.

There were times I almost gave in with you because I thought I loved you and I still think I did

But I shouldnt have because you were trying to manipulate me in ways no one should.

So i'm sorry for wasting your time but I dont think I should have even thought about giving you two my body.

Why give my body to someone else so they can be happy and have fun with it, when Im not happy or even having fun in it at times?