A Car Ride Home

F E A R S

P r e v i o u s l y . . .

"Ha ha, okay, let's go check out the cute clothing," Al chuckled, winking at Lilly. At first they had no luck.

The clothes fit Al, but Lilly thought they didn't fit his style, so she kept looking, saying "if you're only letting me buy two outfits they will be perfect!"

Four stores, eleven trips to the dressing room, and two near exits later, they did it. Al had two outfits that worked for him. "Thank you, Lilly," Al stated with an earnest smile.

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They were at home, Lilly was sprawled across the living room floor working on her homework, while Al was fixing up dinner for the two of them. Lilly had decided to just put the gifts she got for him in the bathroom, she smiled just thinking of his reaction upon getting into the shower. 

Al had made a simple alfredo pasta his mother use to prepare all the time. "I'm done!" he heard Lilly exclaim, as he walked their dishes into the living room.

"That means food!" He told her laying down beside her, placing the dishes in front of them. Brody took his rightful spot in between them, and stared patiently at the food.

The two ate in silence, but a thought was gnawing on Al's insides. He wanted to know what happened to make his Lilly so sad. Yesterday when they were on the walk she cried when she said her family, and he had speculated, but he wanted to know the truth. "Lilly?"

She looked up at him with sauce on her chin. He waited a moment for her to get it, but she must not have felt it, so he leaned forward and wiped it away with his thumb. "Oh," she laughed at herself. "Thanks, I promise I've had pasta before, but this is amazing!" She exclaimed. "Have you ever thought of working in a restaurant or being a chief, or something? Sorry rambling again," she looked down embarrassed.

He decided the only way she was going to be able to open up was for him too. "My mom actually owns a restaurant, or did I'm not sure if she still does," Al shook his head. "She use to talk about me owning it when I grew older, but then I joined the army."

Lilly listened in silence. That was the first time Al has talked about anything pertaining to who he really is. They both had an unspoken agreement to ignore those questions, but here he is divulging the information willing. Lilly felt herself wanting to close up instantly, but curiosity got the better of her. "Where is your mother?" She asked.

Al stopped for a moment, afraid if he really wanted to go down this path with Lilly. He's never been forthcoming with information, but he trusts her. "Montana with my younger brother," Al confessed, shame washing over his features. 

"May I ask why you aren't with them?"

He couldn't lie, Al decided. If he was going to go he was going to go all the way. "I'm not the same person that left for the army three years ago." He confessed for the first time the one thought that has kept him on the streets. The one fear that has in prisoned him to a life of loneliness. 

Lilly laid there for a moment watching Al, afraid to say the wrong thing to a man that is obviously suffering. I'm no therapist. What if I make it worse? Finally she spoke up. "No one expects you to be."

Al shoulder hunched more and her turned his head away from her, as though he was trying to hide. 

"They probably changed too, but you can't let that fear stop you from seeing them," Lilly continued.

"You don't understand," he whispered to himself more than anything.

"Then help me too," Lilly urged, fearing that he was going to close up, as quickly as he opened up. She knows what it means to put up your wall so high it's seems impossible to climb, but she is willing to help him climb his.

"I was in a war, Lilly," he looked at her trying to soften his features, but it seemed wrong. "I was part of the sweep. I was in a team with six other men. They each had there quirks, but they were great men. We were coming back from a trap. One of our men was dead, another was shot, but we were all there together. Then, we drove over a bomb, and I'm waking up in a hospital. My team died. Everyone died, but me. I lived. They died and I lived. Nineteen. Twenty-two. Twenty-three. Twenty-five. Twenty-six. Thirty-Two." Tears began to cloud Al's vision. He sat up closing his eyes, trying to fight against the weakness.

Lilly was confused by the numbers Al started, but then she realized those were his team members ages, and she felt sick. She watched as a tear fell from Al's eyes, followed by a series. She moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around his back, but she couldn't really reach him, so she gently moved his knees down.

Al was still trying to get a hold of himself when he felt Lilly trying to find a way to comfort him, she move his legs, and Al helped her with the rest. He placed her on his lap, and she wrapped her arms around him. Al leaned down resting his forehead on her hair. He could smell the soft scent of maple, and let it sooth him. He didn't want to be angry, or sad, but even after all this time. He still has not let himself truly grieve the loss of his friends. "I know it's selfish," Lilly suddenly whispered, "but I'm glad you lived."

Al felt a shadow of a smile touch his lips, but he is too much of a shadow to indulge in it. He would allow himself the chance to grieve in the arms of his angel, Lilly. Then, he will do what his men, his friends, would want; he will live for them.

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To be continued...