Dear bailey

Day 14

9/5/16

Damn. It's been awhile. 3 years. Well, 2 and a half. I was a freshman last time I wrote you. As I enter senior year it's crazy to me how you, JAYNE, and I were able to remain close. We have that awesome group chat going. "Squad Fest Forever" or something. It was originally titled "Squad Fest 2k16 Fuck Yea!" but one of you shit heads changed it.
It's barely fathomable that so much has changed since we met 4 years ago. 4 fucking years. Insane. Who would have ever thought all of us would be in serious relationships? Well we knew you and Jayne probably would be. But me??? Middle part Megan. Katniss. The girl who swore by the side braid for 3 fucking years. Jesus what was I thinking. And those boots. It was a disaster. I don't think I've worn a par of full boots since. Now I'm a fucking cheerleader oh my god what happened to the nerd in me. Granted I do business club (deca) so I guess that's pretty nerdy. I'm pretty sure I told you this in the group chat but in case I haven't I started hanging out with Ron. Well I mean that was a couple months ago and we haven't really talked much but yeah. Fucking Canada lol. He's so goddamn square I didn't even know it was possible. But idk he had his first kiss in like June. Idk who waits until they're 17. (Jk I probably would have if it wasn't for that football game.) holy shit. You don't know about the football game. That was sophomore year and I didn't write you then and group chat hadn't started.
Anyways. I guess here goes the story of my first kiss(es) then.
Well it was the homecoming football game and I went with my friend Madi Garza. She's pretty chill. We were good homies at the time because of drama club. Now she's super into anime and is hellllaaaaa bomb at cosplay. Anyways, we were hanging out with a bunch of her friends after while we waited for her mom to pick us up. There was Kirsten, Ocean, and her. There were others too but I don't remember their names lol. There was quite a few. Anyways they were talking about first kisses and I mentioned I had virgin lips and they were like what ????? So then it was basically a "let's get this over with" sort of deal. I kissed all of them, starting with Ocean (who was the cutest anyways). But yeah.
Another story I don't think I told you was how I found out I liked girls. Considering I really only told you guys in the past year or so.
But my friend Amy and I met through drama club. Anyways we started hanging out a bunch because we were both helllllaaa emo. And this was back in 9th grade but I was in denial of the whole situation until like halfway through sophomore year. And I know what you're probably thinking. And no. I didn't have a crush on Amy. Amy's friend Jen however, well se was a different story. She had short curly hair and would always wear this camo jacket with band patches and buttons all over it. And you have to think that back in 9th grade I was still really square so to me she was the most badass person I had ever encountered. Anyways we started hanging out a bunch and she was super chill and cute and I remember wondering if she liked girls. And if she liked me. And then I started questioning if I liked her. And yeah it was basically a year long question of me being all like "if she asked me out would I say yes? If another girl did would I say yes? Do I like girls?" And then once the can of worms was opened there was no stopping all the other gay thoughts spilling out. It was like I had a dam up in my mind for so long just denying my queerness and then Jen burst it wide open. But yeah. I haven't really talked to her since. I did message her the other day though asking if she was straight and she said yea. I messaged her because I saw her in recommended people on Facebook and I could barely recognize her. She had gotten really girly and it was weird because she was still cute Af but idk she just wasn't the girl who I remembered. But I suppose I'm a prime example of how people change.
You haven't changed much have you bil?
Don't get me wrong you are absolutely perfect and don't need to but it's definitely reassuring to have some sort of stable relationship in my life haha. You're boyfriend is a firefighter which is really cool. Your mom and curt finally broke up??? Which took long enough. I hope she doesn't go back. She can do much better. Can you believe we are going to go to college soon? It feels like yesterday we had dreams of going to UCL together all the way across the world. It seems so crazy to me now. I wish I can go back to that time. So much optimism. I actually thought it was possible to go to school in London and go to art school and live happily ever. Makes me sad to think about reality. Especially the future. I hope we stay friends. I mean we've made it this far so why not. But people always lose touch once they go to college. Jayne is besties with colette and is starting to stray from the pack. She seems happy though and that's all I want her to be. I want you to be happy too bailey. You're my sister and I love you with all my heart. You're such a kind soul. You could do anything you want in this world. You are so talented and beautiful and you have great things in store for you girl. I hope we don't go our own ways in the future but if we know just know that I guess these letters will always be here. And no matter where we are in life I will always love and support you. You and Jayne undoubtedly shaped me into the person I am today and pushed my limits for the best. I've grown substantially as a person because of you and it is all I can hope to return the favor someday. Or perhaps I already have. Either way I look forward to our future together. Whatever it may hold. Maybe this won't be my last letter. But in case it is I love you.
I love you so much girly.
Peace.
Megan.

Ps.
We are farmers. We are great. We need crops to procreate.