little deer | n.s

Chapter 1

It's not easy to fit in a world where everyone has a judgemental, backward mentality. No matter how good you thought you were doing no one is pleased or thrilled with you.

When you try your hardest to ignore all the hate, harsh criticism, grievous memories from the past you can't help but let them in. You let them consume you and erode every tiny piece of confidence and hope you have.

In that moment you feel hopeless, solidly sure that you're a waste of space and would never be good enough for anyone, especially not when you're drained out of love and acceptance.

Being a nineteen years old boy, living on your own after getting kicked out for admitting and sharing your true colors, working to keep your already fatigued soul alive and to be able to pay for your rent and college.

Life is never easy.

But I'm learning to cope with the consequences of living and existing. of waking up every morning and having to do the exact same things.

Guess that's what life has become to me. You either work your ass off and shield your self from everyone or you're going to end up dead. A useless, lifeless human.

But I'm already dead inside though

💫

I woke up the next morning due to the sun light on my eyes, almost blinding me. I should really get dark colored certains or I'll end up blind one day.

I stretched my body and climbed out of the bed making my way towards the bathroom to get ready for the day. Since I don't have any classes today nor tomorrow I'll have to work. I've been working as stocking guy in target for two years now. It's not the greatest job ever but it's a decent way to earn money.

I took a quick shower after brushing my teeth because I loath morning breath so much, I won't function well without doing it as soon as I open my eyes unfortunately

I feel way better now, all fresh and clean smelling of strawberry and flowers. I changed into my working clothes, red t-shirt with the store's log on it and black skirt that reached my mid thigh. I also wore black stockings and black boots. I don't care if I look like a rich bitcb, I love looking chic and tidy.

I grabbed my bag pack then I headed to my kitchen contemplating whether should I eat or skip breakfast like always. I shrugged my shoulders as my hand reached for a red apple on the island and biting into it before leaving my apartment.

I decided to walk today instead of taking my bicycle since the weather is quite lovely. soft breezes are hitting my face and making me happy. Today seems good, nothing bad happened, my thoughts might change everything later but now all I'm thinking about is how beautiful the clouds look hugging each other and hiding the sun almost as if they were protecting it.

I smiled when I reached target, stepped inside after the automatic doors opened for me. I greeted my co-workers and walked to the lockers room to prepare myself.

I missed moments like these where my thoughts are not attacking me and my usual questions of 'what if' and 'why' are not driving me insane. It's like my mind decided to give me a break and let me enjoy a peaceful day for once. No panicking about my weight or my hidden scars or whether my grades are good enough or Am I good enough to deserve the air I'm breathing? when someone who's way interesting and joyful should be breathing it instead of me.

Every little thought leads to bigger and deeper ones to the point where I have to hurt myself physically so these thoughts can ditch me even for couple hours. It's better than constantly thinking about how worthless piece of shit you are.

I shaked my head softly to get rid of any poisoning thoughts left and I thought about how good today will be. I looked at a mirror that's it hanged on the wall and I smiled. "Today is going to be good, you're doing well" I murmured and left the room, heading to the store to start stocking.

I grabbed a package of notebooks and ripped the plastic with a cutter to release them and started stocking them neatly on the middle shelf next to the colorful folders. while I was doing that I noticed a green piece of chewed gum sticking on my boots. I scrunched my face bent down to remove it with a napkin."ew ew ew" I chanted as I raised up to throw the balled up napkin in the nearest trash can. Why can't  people throw their shit especially sticking chewed gum in the trah can? It ain't that hard.

As I was walking back to my previous spot my eyes caught a little bit of dust on my skirt. I groaned loudly why is everything going against me? I thought it was going to be a good day.

But nah when you're Niall Horan who's parents  literally tossed him out for being gay and who's mind is messed up and full of pessimistic dark thoughts, why would life ever be nice with you?

I stopped my track to swept away the dust with my hands trying to be as smooth and quite as I can so I won't draw any attention to me. When I made sure that my skirt is plain black again I smiled and raised my head up to bump into someone's chest.

"Oh shit I'm sorry" I heard a deep thick voice and a hand holding onto my waist firmly. "you can open your eyes you know I'm not scary love" I didn't even realize that I closed my eyes until the guy pointed out.

I flutter them open and lifted my head slightly bit up for my eyes to collide with vibrant green eyes. The guy was towering over me and he's so big and muscular but he's quite attractive especially those deep ass dimples. He's smiling down at me with a raised brow as I continued starting at his face literally astonished that someone's as beautiful as him exists. It's like god crafted him himself.

I cleaned my throat when I sensed the guy's thumb rubbing against my waist. It tickles but I won't make a fool of myself and giggle no sir.

"I-I'm sorry-" "No I'm the one who wasn't looking it's my fault" He cut me off and pulled his hand and his big body away taking away all the warmth it brought. "I'm Harry" He smiled at me reveling his dimples again and I really wanna die.

"I'm Niall" I said quietly glancing at his face for a second before returning my eyes to the floor as I fondled with my fingers.

"It suits you so well, you're like a little deer" I looked up to find Harry Looking at me with interest in his eyes and a glimpse of unfamiliar emotion. At this point my heart is throbbing like crazy in my chest and for the first time it's not because of fear or doubts.

"See you around Niall" The way my name rolled out of his lips made a shiver go through my spine. He's practically a stranger why am I feeling like this?  He walked away from me and left me alone with my thoughts.

He's probably like everyone else. Once I get attached to them they decided to oH the train is coming we have to leave you Niall and cause you pain goodbye.

"you probably won't.." Niall mumbled to himself as he resumed walking and stocking the notebooks not paying attention that Harry's ears caught that sentence and made him look back at him with so much curiosity.

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Hello lovely ppl :D
this is clearly a new story, the idea has been stuck in my head for two weeks now and I'm getting headaches bc of it.

It's completely different from what I usually think of bc I kinda relate to some part of the story 😪

I'm so excited for this story like I already wrote the next  two chapters nssjjs

If you think I should continue w this story say Niall is a princess 😉🌸