Selfish Children

Many, many years ago there was a kid called Patrick. Christmas was dawning and Patrick was writing his wish list

DeEr Snata,

I wont a leeve dis Crispmass

From Patrick

P.S. Maik it de priteeest leeve of ol

Patrick

You see, Patrick was very poor and couldn't afford a leaf so he depended on Santa to get him one. He fell asleep on his four poster bed and dreamt about knights eating fast food.

When he woke up the next morning, he found a kid standing on his desk reading Patrick's wish list. The boy snorted, "You stupid pig!" He said with a broken nose. "You are asking for a leaf? BAH! I asked for a tree so I could get more leaves!" Patrick thought about it and scribbled down a new list.

Dearest Santa Claus,

I would love lots of leaves

for Christmas

From Patrick Nostril boy 

The boy with the broken nose jumped out of the window. "Oh NO!!!!" Screamed Patrick, but the boy grew a pair of bat wings and flew away like a splendid little butterfly going to the hospital. Two cops flew after them and tazered him. They all fell out of the sky into a pool of crocodiles who arrested them soon after.

Patrick watched all this and started crying. When he had finished whining like a little baby, he went into the bathroom and washed his eyes. He looked at the label on the soap which clearly said:

Alexander's finest cheddar cheese soap-

Do not wash eyes with this product!!!!

You have been warned..........

"Well..." Said Patrick cheerfully. "I sure am glad I didn't wash my eyes with this soap!" And he continued to merrily scrub his eyeballs with the soap.

When he was done he danced all the way back to his bed and when he was under the covers he sang a little tune that went like this:

Patrick's rock song about hats....

"OH I'M A TENNIS BALL I LOVE TO PLAY TENNIS WHEN I USED TO BE A WINNING BALL NOW I AM A FLOWER POT! OOOOOH A FLOWER POT A FLOWER POT YES I'M A FLOWER POOOOOOOT!!!!"

(The side effects of the soap were starting to show)

Patrick watched the moon out his window at ten o'clock A.M. He fell into a deeeeeeeep sleep.

The next morning he rushed downstairs to open his presents they weren't wrapped because he never lied! What a good kid!!

He opened his first (and only) present he had and a magical leprechaun jumped out of the box wearing a pink kilt and throwing leaves EVERYWHERE!!

Patrick was so happy he could have cried so he did!

He started to cry crocodile tears all the crocodiles he cried out nipped at his new shoes!

"NO YOU FATSOS GET AWAY FROM ME SHOES NIBBLERS GO AWAY NOW OR I'LL WHACK YER NOSTRILS TILL THEY RUN OFF SCREAMING FOR MERCY!!!!!!!!!"

The crocodiles ran away crying crocodile tears themselves and more and more crocodiles came.

But enough of that this has nothing to do with the story!!

Then the boy with the broken nose crashed through the window shouting "HOOLIGANS HOOLIGANS!" Patrick screamed and thought about the cheddar cheese soap......

"Calm down ya wiggler" Said Patrick "And by the way how did you get out of prison?" He asked stinkily. He hadn't washed in quite a bit. "YOU ONLY GOT A BUNCH O' LEAVES I GOT A WHOLE TREE HA!!" Snorted Nostril boy (let's just call him that from now on). "Where is it then? On your head? Up your nose? I'm taking none of your nonsense! I bet you don't even have a leaf!" Said Patrick sticking his nose in the air. Quite literally, it stuck in the air and stayed there. "Oh no! Help me Nostril boy!" Patrick screeched. Nostril boy completely ignored what was happening and said, "I darn tootin' HAVE a tree! Why, it's in me back yard!!" Nostril boy jumped out the window, expecting Patrick to follow. Patrick stood there in silence, still stuck with his nose in the air. "Oh no! I'll NEVER be able to eat my secret stash of cookies now!" He started to jump up and down but his nose wouldn't budge then he decided to actually move his head. That did the trick. "HOORAY" Screeched Patrick for no reason "HOORAY, HOORAY IT'S A MIRACLE!" He stood there for three hours after realising that Nostril boy was waiting outside for him. What a silly boy...Patrick thought to himself

"Jumpin' out de window like dat an' all, silly silly boy!" Patrick then climbed onto the roof and jumped off! Nostril boy had grown a trunk by then and now looked like an elephant. He snorted impatiently like a pig (not a chimpanzee).

They went on the adventure to find Nostril boy's garden which, I might add was the very long distance of 1cm! They finally reached Nostril boy's garden and climbed in like burgers (not the nice type the nasty ones...the ones that steal stuff!) Nostril boy screamed for no particular reason and Patrick joined in. Soon after the cops came because it sounded like Patrick and Nostril boy were being robbed so someone called the police. The police tazored them because they were smelly and very annoying. After they woke up, Nostril boy said "THERE SHE BLOWS ME TREE OF LIFE" Patrick stared up and said "I bet it has lot's of leaves....You can't even see them they're so high up!!" "I KNOW" Smelled Nostril boy!

Patrick ran back home because he was too much of a tractor...... "Oh well he left" Smelled Nostril boy again.

Fifty years passed by and Patrick turned 1 year old! He went to thank his leaves but he couldn't find them! "OH SMOO SMOO" said Patrick he saw them on the ground but they weren't leaves anymore they turned into compost!

123cm away Nostril boy was looking at his tree in wonder then he thought to himself: I'm gonna cut down dis tree and steal all of its leaves! So, he cut it down ant it turned out all the leaves fell off because it was winter and they never grew back....

"NOOOOO" Screamed a bird who lived in Nostril boy's hair. Nostril boy too started to scream his head off "NOOOOO" Back at Patrick's house:

He too was screaming but, just then he said "SMLOOMPY" And turned into an elephant With the nose of a pear! BLAHOOO he trumpeted!

(These were the side effects of the cheddar cheese soap)

You're probs wondering what the moral of this story is aren't you?

Well, I can tell you that's it's Never wash your eyes with the finest cheddar cheese soap, you will turn into an elephant and stay that way.