Warriors: If Things Had Changed

If Spottedleaf Had Survived - Part 2

Spottedleaf hated herself, it had been three moons since she was attacked by Clawface. She had started seeing Fireheart, in her den at night. They would talk to each other, and spend time together because it was something they couldn't do in the day. Fireheart had his duties, and she had hers, but it was when she was with Fireheart that she felt most complete.

Why was she like this? She loved her duties, and she could not give them up for anyone, not even Fireheart, then why had she agreed to see him? They should have never started seeing each other in the first place, that way, they both would have never fallen in love, and she wouldn't have to break his heart or her own. 

Tonight was the night, tonight she would tell Fireheart that she couldn't be with him. Even though they both wanted their forbidden romance to continue, she couldn't keep this going. She had to follow her call as a medicine cat, and he had to follow his as a warrior. 

That night, however, when she was next to Fireheart, she couldn't do it. She couldn't break his heart. As he murmured soft words of love to her,  she felt herself relax, her mind stop, as she found herself lost again in her love for him. 

Afterwards, she conceived a fantasy, a fantasy where Yellowfang could take over full duties, and she could retire as medicine cat to be a warrior and raise Fireheart's kits. However, as the fantasy went further, she realized the flaws. She would never make a good warrior, she knew that enough from the moon of warrior training under Thrushpelt. She would only jeopardize her clan's security as a warrior. She would never catch enough prey, and she wouldn't be able to support her clanmates in battle.  

The combination of reality and her love for her duties and her clan was enough, she finally spoke the truth. 

It was one of those nights, a moon after the Battle of Sunningrocks. Fireheart and Spottedleaf were nuzzling in the corner of the medicine cat den when Spottedleaf finally said, "Fireheart, we can't do this, we can't be together." 

"I understand, Spottedleaf. I knew this couldn't last forever, but we need to make the choice, do we want to become mates? If we do, you would have to retire, or we would have to become rogues, but if we don't, then life can continue as normal," Fireheart said carefully. From his tone, Spottedleaf already knew his choice. It was exactly as she expected, but that didn't make it hurt less.

"I'm sorry, Fireheart. I love you, I really do, but I can't give up my duties as a medicine cat," Spottedleaf said slowly. 

"I know, I knew that from the beginning. I love you as well, but I can't give up my position in the clan either," Fireheart said longingly. 

"I love you, Fireheart, and maybe one day, we will walk in the stars together, as mates," Spottedleaf said sadly. 

"I love you too, Spottedleaf," Fireheart said, before walking away back into the warrior's den. Spottedleaf could only watch longingly. She made a difficult choice, but the right one. 

The next morning, Spottedleaf spotted Fireheart talking to Whitestorm before leaving the camp with Sandpaw. Sandpaw walked with an extra skip in her step as she and Fireheart left the camp. Spottedleaf couldn't bear to watch anymore and turned back to her den. 

For the rest of the day, Spottedleaf could only think about Fireheart and Sandpaw. Sandpaw was the best hunter in the clan, but she was rude to Fireheart all throughout his apprenticeship and his early days as a warrior. In fact, she had only started warming up to him after the Battle at Sunningrocks. Spottedleaf felt a strange twinge in her heart, would Fireheart grow to love Sandpaw? 

Spottedleaf shoved the thought away, if he did love Sandpaw, then there was nothing she could do about it. Last night, they both made the choice to obey the code and part ways. However, at sundown, when Fireheart came back with Sandpaw, she couldn't help but notice the smile on both of their faces. 

She turned away from Fireheart, only to find herself face to face with Yellowfang. After Spottedleaf had healed, Bluestar decided to make Yellowfang the second medicine cat of ThunderClan in gratitude for saving Spottedleaf and giving crucial information in helping to save Frostfur's kits. 

"We need to talk," Yellowfang said seriously. 

Spottedleaf gulped as she followed Yellowfang out of the camp, suddenly feeling like an apprentice again about to be reprimanded by her mentor. 

When they were far away from the camp, Yellowfang started speaking, "I know what you have been doing with Fireheart."

"It's not what you think," Spottedleaf said quickly, trying to defend herself. 

"I'm in the medicine cat den as well, and I'm not as deep of a sleeper as you think I am," Yellowfang said sternly. her voice lightened a bit as she continued, "However, you made the right choice. You could never be a full warrior, and you are destined to be a medicine cat. If you had continued what you were doing each night, you would eventually be pregnant with Fireheart's kits, and that would never end well."

"How do you know?" Spottedleaf said defensively, "If I did get pregnant, I could give the kits to a ThunderClan queen and claim they were abandoned by a rogue." 

"And you would live forever right next to them, loving them like a mother, but never being able to show the true affections you feel," Yellowfang said bitterly, "I would know." 

Spottedleaf stopped walking and turned to look at the old medicine cat. Her jaw dropped before saying, "What? Have you had kits? Did you have a mate?" 

"I became a warrior first, and as a warrior, I developed affections for Raggedpelt, or as you may know him, Raggedstar," Yellowfang said, looking down, lost in her memories. 

"Everything could have been perfect. We loved each other, and he said that when he became the leader, I would be his deputy. Alas, my true calling was to be a medicine cat. StarClan blessed me with a gift that could only be used as a medicine cat and would hinder me as a warrior. Then, I had to change paths. I should have turned my back to Raggedpelt then, but I didn't, and throughout my medicine cat apprenticeship, we met in secret. I was faced with reality when I became a full medicine cat and turned my back on him then, but it was already too late. I was pregnant with his kits, and I gave birth to them," Yellowfang said, her tone growing more bitter the longer she talked. 

"It was a long and painful birth, I had two she-kits and a tom. One she-kit was stillborn, and the other died, barely minutes after it was born. The tom was the only survivor, but that tom caused more destruction to the clans than he caused to my heart. Brokenkit later killed his father and nearly destroyed all of the clans," Yellowfang said, her voice quivering as she spoke. 

Spottedleaf stared, jaw-dropped, at the old gray she-cat. Was this how StarClan punished cats who broke the code? Yellowfang was right, it's not worth it. One affair nearly destroyed the whole forest. What would've happened if she and Fireheart had continued their affair? Spottedleaf shuddered at the thought of what Yellowfang went through.

"I saw the look you were giving Sandpaw, it was the same look I gave Foxheart so many seasons ago," Yellowfang said solemnly.

"Foxheart?" Spottedleaf questioned. Did the ShadowClan leader really hate this cat? Or was this a cruel nickname Yellowfang came up with?

"Foxheart was a she-cat who loved Raggedpelt. He returned those feelings, but not as strong as he loved me," Yellowfang said, "Foxheart was never the most pleasant, but she died, and Brokentail was indirectly involved." 

Spottedleaf turned away before Yellowfang could continue, "I understand, Yellowfang. Fireheart and I were never meant to be together anyway, if he can be happy with Sandpaw, then I guess I should be happy for him as well."