Death Valley

Sometimes Before it gets Better The Darkness gets Bigger

I sit staring at the wall my music blaring in my ears hardly helping how depressed I've been lately how many new scars litter my body scars that remind me of things I don't want to remember yet still I always take my blade with me when someone notices a scar they ask me why I do it and I always answer truthfully it relieves pain with a new type of pain they usually look at me like I have two heads then walk away but I'm used to it by now the constant harassment about my scars my hair my eyes my style anything people can find something to make fun of though in my head they're just sadistic little pricks I get up and leave the little coffee shop I was sitting in and start walking towards my house back to my father and brother though silently praying they weren't home that I could be alone for just a few hours longer but when I got there I see they had different plans both my brother and my dad were home and the worst part Pete had friends over I walk into the door purposely avoiding the main areas of the house and climbed up the small almost beaten looking stairs up to my room and sat down on my bed turning on my Green Day playlist lightly humming along to some of the songs and I don't know how long I sat there taking in the music escaping my reality with the beat and words that sometimes had no relation to the song I heard a knock on my door I mentally groaned hating that I was interrupted from my alone time
"one minute"
I half yelled and pulled on a sweater that hid my scars I opened the door to see Pete standing there it was funny how we had almost the exact same style and I get bullied for it whereas he earns friends he has a group of people who always have his back when I have to keep a weapon on me at all times out of fear of getting taken or raped someone's already tried but I happened to have a knife on me that day and when they saw that they backed off
"Iz"
he snaps his fingers in front of my face and I snap out of my daze glaring at him sharply
"Geez don't gotta stab me with your eyes"
I half smile at his attempt to cheer me up
"And you don't have to interrupt my much needed alone time"
I tried my best at sounding tuff I really did but my voice cracked as I was saying interrupt causing Pete to grin looking at me with his eyes that had black eyeliner tracing the outline in thick lines causing him to have large dark circles and a face that causes all the girls at school to gawk over
"Your alone time has lasted a month Iz I just wanted to talk to you"
He tried to continue but I cut him off with an idea of a perfect sarcastic comment forming in my mind that would probably result in him trying to kill me with his eyes again
"Well what if I wanted my alone time to last a month and a day"
And there's the glare I look to the side not wanting to face his eyes that reminded me not so much like daggers but more like chainsaws that tried to rip you apart make your blood splatter everywhere like you were part of a real life Texas Chainsaw Massacre when I felt the tension in the air decrease I looked back over at him
"Who did you have over"
I tried to hide my displeasure with a poker face but I don't think he believed
Me
"The lead singer of my new band"
He sounded ecstatic he was really excited about this I was intrigued though thinking that it must be an alternative or punk-rock type of band or he would never have formed one hopefully it wouldn't be bad as I really wanted my brother to be out there he's an amazing bassist but all the bands around here in Chicago are pop or country and he hates both of those genres with a fiery passion and that was one thing we agreed on
"What's the band called"
I asked trying to start the conversation again so he would leave me to my music
"Fall Out Boy"
I think for a moment not bad I actually like it it's defiantly a punk-rock type of band name though I can't really see Fall Out Boy as being a pop or country band name
"Punk Rock I'm guessing"
He nods and I start to wonder who this lead singer was the one who Pete had just had over
"What were you expecting pop"
He asked me sarcastically I half smiled
"No you seem more like a country kid"
I try my best to sound sarcastic but like usual it comes out dry like a foreign object like I'm not feeling any emotion while I say it
"Alright I need to give the band people a call I already asked dad if I could and we will be in the garage if you want to come check it out"
He left and I sighed laying down on my bed looking through my songs and settling for Warning by green day and I just lay there this time the music is drowned out by my thoughts about everything about life about the truth behind love about all the lies your parents tell you when you're young all the 'you are gonna be bigs' all the 'I love you're drawings' and most importantly all the 'you're so beautifuls' eventually I learned just not to trust people anymore the only person you can really trust is yourself though I do trust Pete it just took him a while to chip at my heavily reinforced block of trust before he had a chunk i decided at that point don't ask me why but I decided it would be a good idea to check my phone I look at my phone and see a picture on Instagram sitting there at the top of my feed a picture of me and so many names that I can't even list them all it was like being thrown into a sea of words you being at the centre the words deeper than you are tall surrounding you mean names ranging from slut to whore to other things that aren't true swears aimed at me things that never happened that was it for me I broke I shut off my phone and sprinted to my backpack pulling out my blade I rolled up my sleeve and chose a spot that looked clear and dragged the blade against it giving me a new type of pain one much easier to deal with I heard a slight gasp and I looked over to the doorway to see an unrecognizable man standing there wearing a fedora staring at my arms in disbelief I quickly pulled down my sleeves and curled into a ball not wanting to hear his response