I didn't eat that night. I don't know if it was because of how broken I was, or because of my humiliation, or the name calling. I just didn't eat.
My mom freaked out on me, pleading me not to turn into one of those people.. The ones that make themselves throw up by sticking a finger down their throats. Belemic, I think that's the correct word. I assured her I would do none of that.
Mostly, my night consisted of crying and looking through pictures. Why couldn't I be one of the pretty ones? One of the fit ones? I just had to be... bigger than the rest. God picked me out of the litter and said, "Make this one.. Unique.", if that's even the right word.
I've gotten several missed calls. Mostly from Harry, but some from Nicole, and a few from Seth. One from my cousin, Kassidee.
Why would Kassidee call me? I wondered to myself. She lives in California.. I live in Colorado.. What could she possibly want?
I pressed her contact, calling her back. I've always hated being the one to call somebody. It annoys me somehow..
"Hello?", she chirped.
"Kassidee! Hey! Why'd you call?", I asked.
"Well," she breathed. "I happened to be searching the internet.. when a video popped up."
"Go on..", I said.
"Well, it was you... You were at a party, yelling something that I couldn't understand, when some girl pushed you down the stairs. You stood up, and ran out crying.. and then some boy with a head full of curls lashed out on everybody, and he did something to the guy with the camera, and boom. Video over.", she told me.
My breathing increased.
"So you mean to say.. It's-"
"Olly, everybody's seen it.", she interrupts.
That was it. That was exactly what I needed to hear.
I threw my crap flip phone at the wall, and watched it shatter into a million little pieces. The tears wouldn't stop. The pain wouldn't stop increasing. My thoughts starting over flowing with nothing but Harry's voice.
"As a sister!", it sang.
I picked up my pillow and shoved it into my face, screaming.
Thankfully, my screams were drowned out by the pillow so I don't have to deal with my mom.
"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.", I repeated to nobody, really.
I repeatidly wiped my eyes, hoping that would somehow dry them.
"Olly?", my little sister called quietly from my door way.
"Do you want a hug?", she asked.
I looked at her, and nodded.
She ran over toward me, and latched her arms around my neck.
"You know, I didn't mean it when I called you fat.", she told me.
"You're not fat.. You're just.. Not skinny.", she said.
I frowned and looked away. I could feel the water brimming my eyes.
"But skinny is gross.", she said quickly.
"Alright. Okay. Thank you for the hug, but I really should be getting to bed. See you later.", I said shooing her out of my room.
Once that was done, I cleaned up my mess I made with my phone, and set it down on my dresser. I'm going to have to lie to mom about that one.
"I'll show you!", I remember yelling.
I remember all of their faces, my ears filled with their laughter.
I remember Harry. I remember him telling me it was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to him. I remember being friend zoned. Hard.
The thing that probably bothers me the most, is the fact that even though he knows how I feel, he still thinks of me as a friend. Another girl to check off the list.
Harry, to me, wasn't just another boy. Since the sixth grade, he's been the most important human being in my life. I've wasted all my life putting him first, and for what? To be listed another sister? No, I wanted more. I wanted to be his girl. His everything.
I wasn't kidding when I said I'd show them. I'll work out. I'll get in shape. I'll get a well paid job, and my love life? That will remain sucky.
Instead of tears, I wore a smile. Nobody will see it coming. It'll be perfect. My life will be perfect. I shall show them. All of the people that laugh at me today, will worship me later. Harry... I'm not sure I'm ever going to talk to him again after a stunt like that.. but I do know, he won't deserve me.
I grabbed my suit case out of the closet, and stuffed everything I owned into it, which was mostly clothes. I grabbed a few other things, and zipped it up.
While I was packing, I had caught a glimpse of the picture that Harry said was his favorite. I picked it up, and brushed my thumb over Harry's face.
"As a sister!", his voice rang through my head.
I squeezed my eyes together, and shoved the picture into the suit case.
I dragged it down stairs, where my mom stood in the kitchen cleaning the dishes.
"Where are you going dear?", she asked me.
"Anywhere but here. I'm not staying.", I said.
"Not staying? What do you mean?", she asked again.
"I'm leaving mom. I'll call you as soon as I land in California.", I explained.
"California?! Darling, have you gone mad?", she squealed.
"No, I'll be staying with Kassidee until I can find a place to stay.", I told her.
Kasside! Holy.. I forgot we were talking on the phone!
"Absolutely not!", she said, her eyebrows scrunching together.
"Mom, I'll call you. Good bye.", I said, and walked out of the door.
I got in my car, and started the engine.
Am I really doing this? I asked myself.
I couldn't help it. I had to drive to Harry's house. I had to sit, stare up at his window and cry hysterically. I had to get a ticket to the next flight out of here.
I had to.
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this is short.. sorry :/ but hey! chapter two is up!
~hannah
