Divinity

"The promise of the unknown."

Izek

Nervously, I twist and turn a tie that chokes my neck.

Louis looks at me, a smile tugging on the corners on her lips. Her cheeks flare red. “Do you need help with that?” She asks.

I frown, giving up. “Have you seen Kai today?”

She shakes her head, her red curls bouncing. “No. And she wasn’t here yesterday.”

I nod, biting on my lip, worry seizing me up. “I know that.” Where is she?

“There was a game last night though.” She offers.

“A game?”

She nods. “The Romans warrior camps often host war games. Things like capture the flag or hide and seek, only with swords and shields. Sometimes, humans will join in if they need to fill in ranks or whatnot but some of us go in disguise. Mike does it. She might have been there.”

I beam at her. “Thanks Louis.” I grin, bending down and kissing her cheek to further prove my gratitude.

She cracks a wide smile but takes a step back from me. “I think you’re ready, Izek.”

A wave of nausea washes over me.

I stop at a set of oak doors, inlaid with gold on my way to the central hall. They lead out a balcony that was mostly underused, so much so that leafy tresses had weaved around the railing, spilling onto the marble floor.

I take a seat on the edge of the balcony, breathing in the sweet, clean air and take a gander at the twinkling lights dotting the horizon.

As small as this city seemed, from this point, it looked as if it stretched out forever. Rolling fields, expanses of lands that grew ten paces when you took only one.

One step.

That’s all it takes. My thoughts shift from the promise of the unkown to reality of the truth.

It would be an easy way out, wouldn’t it?

No more mornings where I swore that my bedroom was actually the hospital ward where my mum died in.

No more crossing a full cemetery.

Entering one would be okay…

It may be the coward’s way out, but I don’t have to be brave. I don’t have to fight it. I can let it mould me into whatever it wants me to be. And I can be fine with that too.

I clench my fists. I wanted to break something.

I don't patronize.

I realize,

I'm losing and this is my real life.

I jump off back onto the balcony. I will be brave. I don’t care how long it takes. I don’t care how many times I wake up not seeing the point. Because I don’t want to be the one who couldn’t stand against the waves.

And this habit is always so hard to break,

I don't want to be the bad guy,

I've been blaming myself and I think you know why,

I'm killing time,

And time's killing you every way that I do,

I grab a vase and hurled it over the railing. I stare at its broken shards.

I'm under the gun,

Feel like the only one,

I just can't decide what I'm running from,