Secluded Innocence (ON HOLD)

II."Stand up and start a new life with a pure heart."

Since Matthew left me, I felt so useless like a dead leaf, a leaf that was removed away from a tree that gives it life, and it's only the wind that is making it move, helplessly taking it away from one place to another. I feel that I could pass out at any moment, my heart is burning in flames of burden that Matt left me, and my mind is getting restless like my brain is going to shatter by thinking of Matt's memories with me. I can't even breathe and eat properly, I want him back, I don't care if I have to accept his child or even live a life together with his child and the mother, I just want to be with him. I only want him.

Now, I'm all alone, doesn't even know what am I gonna do with my life.

It has been weeks since I stopped attending my classes, my parents doesn't know about it until the principal called my grandma to ask what was going on with me. I was in the living room when I heard my grandma talking through the phone, surely with my mom.

"She leaves the house everyday, I was the one who always helps her prepare for school, I don't know how she managed to do this mess... Yes, she leaves with the driver, I saw her get in the car everyday... Oh, Martha... I... I don't know what I should do with this child anymore... Okay, I'll get you an update." Grandma hangs up the phone. "Oh God, what should I do?" She rested her fingers on her forehead, headed towards the fridge and drank straight a cold water.

I was browsing through the internet with my laptop when suddenly, my phone beeps. It was a message from mom. I took my phone and stared at my phone lock's wallpaper, it's Matt's photo.

God, I love him.

I miss everything about him, the way he looks at me, his eyes as deep as the sea, glances like the waves on its own special way. His touch that gives me warmth, caressing my skin as mild and tender as dandelions brushing through the wind, comforts me in storm like there's nothing in this world I should fear. And his lips, it's what I miss the most about him, kissing me with passionate love, making me go crazy, and brings me to the other side of the earth, a heavenly dimension.

Tears unconsciously escaped my eyes, it hurts so much as it seems like my heart is in a tight grip, and a heavy rock is on my chest, I can't hardly breathe, I feel so weak. He took a huge part of me, now I am a trash, I should have not gave myself to him, I should have listened to my parents.

I wiped my tears when I noticed my grandma heading towards my direction, holding a silver tray with a pitcher of lemonade and two highball glasses, she put it on the coffee table and sat on the couch across mine as she fills the glasses with lemonade.

I closed my laptop and sat properly, staring at the marble floor. I can't look straight at my grandma's eyes.

"I am trying so hard not to be mad at you, searching for reasons why would you do such nasty and reckless thing like this, but it only leads me to one unnecessary reason..." She shook her head and took a deep sigh. "Matthew.

My heart skipped a beat when I heard his name, holding a lump in my throat that if I let out a word, I would probably burst into tears.

"My sweet old Cambrie is gone, forgive me from being desiderate enough to make you stay away from that boy, believe me when I say that I've always wanted you to be happy, I just don't want you to depend your happiness on him."

As much as I want to, I still can't let out a single word. I want to apologize for everything I have done wrong, for disappointing them, they've always wanted the best for me, and gave me all the best that they can. But I was too stubborn, I disobeyed them. I let myself be drowned in love.

The love that ruined every single part of me like a crawling leprosy all over my body.

The love that drained my soul.