I Pick My Poison (And It's You)

Fireflies

"Bang-"

"Ssshh.."

"Bu-"

"Ara. Shut up."

The eight years old Ara Galang rolled her eyes. Again.

This is getting ridiculous. She spent the last two hours doing Nothing. Literally Nothing. Akala niya maglalaro lang sila ni Bang and she will only do it for some time but hours had passed and she's still not allowed to do things. Bang prohibit her to speak. To move. To eat. Heck, Bang also warned that she'll  apprehend her for thinking!  Kung ano ang sa isip ng kaibigan niya? Ara does not want to know.

"Bang, s-"

"Sshhhh.." Bang hushed her and glared dangerously. She's watching her like a hawk and it's now kinda creepy.

"Pero sasabog na pantog ko!" Ara whined loudly and she thinked it works when she heard a defeated sighed galing sa kaibigan niya so Ara celebrate a smile at dali daling tumalon mula sa kama patungong C.R.

She then again enjoyed the surreal feeling of having her joints stretched.

"Okay," Ara said after she comfortably settled in her hospital bed again. "So what was that?"

Bang looks momentarily sad but she produced her tablet out of her bag at binigay kay Ara na agad din namang nanlaki ang mata pagkatapos mabasa ang article sa tablet ng kaibigan.

"Bang!" She huffed angrily. Yesterday, Bang forced her to eat brocollis, lettuce, fed her raw carrot juice mixed with ginger and other God knows what shrubs that for her friend think was edible.

Bang defensively answered that it was to improved her health. Ara was somehow touched.
But when the afternoon came and her childhood friend laid some exotic dishes and as what she remembers bang called 'dila ng palaka', Ara went frenzy and now this!

"What?"

"Please tell me na di mo pinractice sakin yan." Ara stated.

Bang shrugged her shoulder at binawi ang tablet kay Ara. "Well, worth the try. Sabi dito, this method of resting,although controversial, had a lot of potential."

Ara sighed, she just read the study of Dr. Silas Weir Mitchell about the theory and with her eight years old understanding, she logically dis approves.

"But sabi ni dad wala na tayo sa 19th Century." Ara reasoned.

"So?"

"And it is applicable to hysterical women. Do i look hysteric to you?"

Bang shrugs.

"Bang.." Ara warned.

"Okay, fine. Maghanap nalang tayo ng iba."

"Hey!" Ara reacted quickly, scratching the back of her head. "Maglaro na lang kaya tayo?"

But Bang huffed and puffed and ignored her friend. She, on her own chose to read the article she's curently delving herself into, anything that can actually help her. Anything.

Ara shrugged and opted to looked at Bang while she's reading. Playing alone is a bore especially with Bang passionately burying her face in her books almost every seconds.

Ara then noticed the way Bang's eyebrows went furrowed in concentration. How she'll instantly relaxed or tensed her muscular structure everytime she read something interesting. Ara notice how Bang will carelessly tucked her hair beneath her ears when they keep on falling, hindering her eyesight for words she's reading. Ara noticed how expressive her eyes was or how it reflect almost the inner dwellings of her soul, it never fails to amaze her how Bang's eyes compel to laid all her emotions out in front of her just by simply looking at them.

"Why don't we go hunt fireflies tomorrow night?" Bang asked her but Ara's still in daze, looking at her with her chin popped up with a help of her little hand.

Bang noticed this and clap in front of her childhood friend, making the latter jump onto her feet.

"Ara.." Bang shakes her head disapprovingly. Man, eight years old kid can act like housewife when they're in it.

"Ha?" Ara confusingly answered and Bang gave her another disapproving look.

"Sabi ko, manghuli tayo ng fireflies bukas ng gabi." Bang repeated herself.

Ara perched herself and with knotted eyebrows, she asked.. "ano na naman ang trip mo?"

Nakita ni Ara ang pag iwas ng tingin ni Bang sa kanya which made her a little bit curious especialy when her friend answered defensively. "Gusto ko lang. Bakit ba?"

But Ara did not believe and won't let Bang an easy way out. "You're acting weird." She stated.

If only she knew how Bang on her eight years old state of mind was trying almost anything to make Ara better, probably she'll cry.  She will be stunned for a moment and Bang knew, they will never be the same again.

Bang wanted them to be the same minus Ara's impending demise.

"Wala nga. Bakit ba?" She answered somehow shakily. Thoughts of not growing up with Ara sent chills down to her spines. Half of her eight years old life, she spent every waking hours and sometimes non-waking with Ara. She's fully commited to her childhood friend. Their bond and everything that's happening between the two kids was treasured by them. She's envisioning herself growing up with her, spend the fun times and drama of highschool with her, go to the same university and get stress with their exams and due papers. She wanted to be with her and maybe, just maybe.. with her eight years old self, she's feeling something more than friends should feel towards each other with Ara and having the knowledge of the state Ara is in was scaring her. She's afraid. She's nervous.

Di na niya alam na kusa ng tumulo ang luha sa mga mata niya. Ara was shocked to say the least but was overcome by unknown feelings. Di niya alam ang gagawin. Di niya alam kung ano ang sasabihin. Natigilan siya pansamantala but she let her instinct unleashed and she found herself hugging Bang, she found herself consoling her.

"Hey.. hey.." she tugged her friend patiently. "Anong nangyari? Anong problema?"

But Bang keep on crying. Her shoulders were shaking and she's sobbing harder than ever. Unwanted thoughts came into her mind and she just wanted to scream them out.

"Y-you need to b-be an astronaut!" Sagot niya sa kababata pagkatapos ng ilang sandli. She's still crying heavily and those words that came mirrored her jaded soul.

Ara smiled kindly. Despite the piling antics of Bang or in her crying state right now, Ara can't help but feel the warmth spreading into her. Her friend cares. She genuinely cares that they come across to the point where she's getting desperate to somehow alleviate her pain. God, she adores Bang so much and even more when she's flaring up like this one.. kahit na nauutal siya o naaantala ng pagsinghap o pagpunas ng luha ang mga sinasabi niya, she still do it passionately and Ara instinctly leaned in.

"Y-you can't be an astronaut if y-youre not h-healthy! I-i just w-wanted-..w-words from the mouth s-said the Lord of f-fireflies grant w-wishes and i t-thought maybe m-mapagaling ka n-nya if we c-catch-"  And it was cut off when their lips met.

It's pure innocence.

It only lasted a mere ten seconds but it effectively made Bang stopped crying. Ang takot na naramdaman niya ay nakubli ng kalituhan at mabilis namang pinalitan ng kasiyahan.
They're both giddy as time lapses around them and as Bang shyly moved an inch away from her, she found Ara grinning widely.

"Okay lang naman sa akin kahit di na ko maging astronaut. I just wanted to grow up with you." Ara stated calmly and offered a smile. She then hold Shiela's hand and held it right tightly against their heart. "But no worries, i'll marry you when we're eighteen."

Bang looked at her friend confusingly

"So i can grow old with you, silly." Ara explained while giggling and Bang looked hopeful more than ever.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

If only i know what the future stores for me back then, di na ko sana nangako. If only i can bring back time, i will redo that moment and spare her heartaches and growing up, i knew, i made the gravest mistake in my life and that is leaving her hoping.