Freaky Games: A Pretty Little Liars Fanfic'

Chapter 18: A Heartbreaking Choice

Hi, so this one is filled with emotion, you'll be surprised. Get a kleenex, you've been warned. Hope you like it!

Previous chapter: My eye felt weird, I thought I had a black eye. One more, I was getting used to it, I almost didn't feel the pain this time. Ohh gosh I'm starting to feel like beated women. 

Spencer's POV DILEMMA ROOM. Present tense. 

I sit on the floor and try to think about the day I'll finally be out of here. Who will I be most excited to see ? Will I even forget about some people ? If it wasn't for the screen and the video I just watched earlier , I would have probably forgotten Ezra's face. This isolation situation really affects my memory, and everything else. I've started to feel a little depressed before I got Toby's call. But now I'll do anything I have to do to see him again. 

I get out of my thoughts when I notice the screen flashing on and off, just like earlier. Maybe -A will show me some videos of them again. I run to the stool and sit. The only thing missing right now is a huge bowl of salty pop corn. But wait, it's not a video, it's a new dilemma. I get closer to read it. 

Once I get to the end of the sentence, my stomach aches and I start trembling. This is not happening, it can't be ! -A has no right to do this, my breath gets harder and harder to take. Tears fall without a warning. 

" Some say always choose friendship over love, but what about you ? You get to choose who's going to die, Toby or Aria ? " 

It's impossible, how could I ever make this choice ? I can't even think straight right now ! I'm crying so hard, I've never felt so bad in my life. The room starts spinning around me and I just feel like dying. If I could just choose to kill myself it would be all thought through, nothing as terrible as that. I'd rather get killed right now than have to make this decision. Who am I to choose to get someone killed just so I could live ? Some would think it's an easy choice, I mean I love Toby more than my life. But I could never get Aria killed, not willingly at least. I feel a huge pain through my chest, just like someone keeps stabbing me in the heart and won't quite. The violence of this -A person never really hit me before. After -A's minion made his move last time, I thought I'd seen it all. I never fully realized just how wicked and ill -A was. Now this is something I will never forget. I don't know what to do, what if I don't choose ? What happens ? Will a kill me or will she kill both of them? Just thinking about it makes me want to pass out, or kill -A. 

I'm such a wreck right now, my head hurts and the more I think about it, the more I get into thinking that if only one person had to survive with me, it would be Toby. And I am scared to admit it, honestly my whole body feels dirty and I feel awful just thinking about it. But I actually am considering making a choice. May be if I choose Aria, then I'll be able to join the others. After all it would be so easy to blame it all on -A. 

What am I thinking ? I am desperate, that's why I think like that, of course I can't kill any of them. How would I live with myself after that. That kind of guilt would consume me every second of every day. I have to keep this in mind. I bend over the screens and put my hands upon them so I can lay my head in my crossed arms. My head keeps reflecting again and again, and it gets really hard to stay lucid and not give in to -A's wishes. 

I hear a little noise, just a small buzzing, nothing alarming you would think. But this one was scaringly alarming. I feel like my heart just stopped beating and my throat just closed. I understand that there is no choice to make anymore. It's already set. I sit up on the stool, I hold my breath and not really willing to know, I quickly eye the screens. I scream my lungs out and fall down on the floor when I realize that I was actually the one to push the button. That small buzzing was me pressing the button, I selected the name, I killed someone that meant the world to me. The pain I feel right now is undescribable. I am out of my mind and start screaming and punching the walls. I feel like my eyeballs will pop out of place. Nothing is right, nothing will ever be right. I'm sick of -A's games, I'm sick of being a puppet. Who ever -A is, they can do whatever they want. I don't care about surviving if Toby is not waiting on the line. I don't care about moving on to the next chapter of my life if it means living with this grudge against -A and myself for killing Toby. My hand is covered in blood but I don't even feel the pain. If I get out of this alive I'll make sure that -A dies, I'll make sure they'll pay. All of them, I'll venge him. I'll end this organization, or company or anything -A likes to call her insanity. 

I try to calm down when I see the screens flashing again. All of a sudden I don't feel sad, angry or vengeful, I feel scared to death. What if the screen shows a picture of Toby, dead ? I couldn't take that. It would kill me. What if it's another dilemma and I have to kill another one of my friends ? I wouldn't survive it. So I sit on the stool, my whole body shaking and shivering. And I wait, eyes closed. I wait until I am ready, ready to see whatever -A wants to show me. See whatever my heart wouldn't be able to beat for ever again. I take a breath, not a deep one, my throat is too tight for that at the moment, and I open my eyes. I am happy to see that everyone is still in my lake house, talking and thinking. I don't know what time it is but it must be late, Hanna and Emily are yawning. Toby was alive, thank god! May be -A just wanted to test me. May be they wanted to see who I would pick. Relieved, I keep watching my friends trying to figure out a way to see me. I guess they still can't see me. It's nice to see how involved they all are, how determined they are to get me out of this. I smile everytime I see Toby's face and I laugh everytime he looks at Ezra. He really doesn't like his relationship with Aria. 

" Come on Toby, give them a chance, they are so in love, just like us" I finally say in a whisper. 

Then in just a second, or even less. I startle, my eyes and ears won't ever be able to erase what I've just witnessed. My hand is on my heart, which I am sure stopped for a while. My world falls into pieces. Aria, Hanna, Emily, Caleb and Ezra are all screaming and crying. Aria is in Ezra's arms, devastated and looking down on the floor, horrified. Caleb is looking at Toby lying on the ground. He tries to check his pulse as my heart skips a beat. 

No, no, no, no, this wasn't possible. -A actually killed Toby, I can't believe it. In just a second my life changed. I know I'll never be able to tell him how much I loved him, how much I still do. Toby was the only thing that kept me from dropping my courage and strength. Without him, life isn't worth living. Toby can't die, he just can't! He can't give up on me, on us. After all I have been through, after everything that happened, I can't, no, I refuse to believe that his whole life ended because I accidentally pushed a button. If it did, then what is life ? What is the point of all this if it only takes one psycho to suppress our existence? Just as if we were computer files. 

Damn, here goes the knife again, I feel like somebody keeps stabbing my whole body again and again. I start to realize his death, how I'll never get to touch him again, talk to him or hear his voice. Spend time with him or even fight over the remote again. It hits me like a sword through my heart, I know he is gone, I know it's all my fault. I did this, to him, to myself and to his family. My tears keep falling and I don't even know where they come from since I haven't been drinking lots of water lately. 

The pain I feel will never stop, it'll keep burning for the rest of my life. Just like my undying love for him. Added to the pain, the anger and the fear comes guilt. I could kill myself right now. I keep screaming and crying, waiting for the moment the pain will stop hurting this much. 

" I am so... sorry ......Toby, I did this, I never meant... for it to happ...en. I love you, I miss you so much. No, " I cry with my cracking over pain. " why did you have to do this ? " I yelled at -A. 

I wake up in a startle, my eyes filled with tears, I look around me. I'm still in this crappy room and I still have that swollen eye. But the despare I felt before just vanished. I gathered my breath and it took me a while to understand that all of that was the most realistic and terrible nightmare I have ever had in my whole life. What a relief !

Did I get you? Did you believe Toby was dead? Please write your reaction. And if you give this story at least 2 Hearts, I will upload 3 chapters in a raw, the same day. Pinky promise