Sweet Wonderful You

A bird was singing very peacefully in the sky. It was the only positive thing that had happened that day, it seemed like.

I was heading towards the park; presumably the only place where I could be alone. I felt like I had to be by myself for a while. Think over a few things in my mind.

A slight fog had settled. I could see the trees in a beautiful silhouette against the pale white-grayish sky.

The calm and still atmosphere would seem to muffle every slight sound, all I could hear was cars in the far distance. I decided to close my eyes for a second. To just let go of everything for a second. Enjoy the feeling of not having to care. A temporary vacation, a break from everything, for a second. Enjoy the second it lasted, and forget the thought that it will end as fast as it started.

I cannot remember myself being happy after my mother's death. Ever since I had been devastated.

I had to take care of my brother as well as the massive amounts of homework. All the due dates and pressure have been killing me.

Along with the stress comes the anxiety. I have been dealing with overwhelming panic disorders for the last few months. If you cannot tell, my life is very hard.

Mrs. Smith had told me that to manage to get a good grade I would have to focus mainly on the schoolwork.

I mean, I wouldn't be able to just tell her everything and hope that she'd understand. She is a wonderful person and teacher and I have very much respect for her, but she simply wouldn't be able to help me out here.

I have always been seen as the weird kid. You know that one that never talks, the one that no one wants to befriend? The one that is too busy with focusing on them self? The weird kid. And I was weird. I have always been weird.

"Why fit in when you were born to stand out" - Dr Seuss

I often compare this to painting. The empty canvas is life and the motive is us people.

The artist could paint an unique creation that we would call masterpiece, using different objects, colours, shapes, sizes to express some kind of feeling; some kind of thought or message to someone else.

If the motive on the other hand would have been simply black dots in the same shape, size and color, would that be considered art? It would, if someone would come up with it for the first time, but even then it would've been unique.

They often send me to the school therapist because they think I am sad. But I am not sad. I simply do not care.

They say that you need someone to survive, yet I can make it at least as far if not further. 

━━━

And the day came, the day that later would come to change my whole perspective of life. The day that would actually change my life. Forever.

Mrs. Smith had gathered the students to announce that a new girl had began in our class. From now on our class would consist of one more student. I could feel the excitement through my bones, nearly giving me goosebumps, even though I deep inside felt terrified I couldn't resist the amazing feeling. I don't even know why I got so excited about it, but I felt a smile in my face, my first in days.

Mrs Smith presented Emily to us and told us to be nice to her. The moment she came into the classroom I felt wonderful. I saw something extraordinary in her. She sat down next to me after Mrs Smith told her that she could have a seat.

"Hi" She said. I was in shock that she actually wanted to talk to me but could manage to respond with a simple "hey".

"You seem down, is everything alright?"

She asked how I felt, I could not believe what happened, I was in shock once again. She cared about me.

And completely out of nowhere, without thinking twice, I started telling her. I told her everything. I told her about my life, about my struggles, and the really crazy thing is that she seemed interested. She told me to tell her everything, like she actually cared.

I think she saw something in me. The way she looked at me. Even though we had only known each other for a couple of minutes, I could already feel a connection.

She might of even understood how I felt. It suddenly felt like a weight had been released of my shoulders. She asked if we could hang out after school. I couldn't keep down my voice when I joyfully yelled "Yes, oh yes I have been dreaming of that in years". I did not care how embarrassing it may have sounded, I had found someone, I had found a friend.

After this day, we started to see each other after school. We discovered that we amazingly had very much in common.

She seemed to actually listen what I had to say, almost like she enjoyed that I could open up for her.

I could see a glimpse of her front teeth when she smiled, and I found it really cute. I think she liked me as well.

We started to hang our daily. We would have long conversations and I felt like I had finally found a true friend.

I finally felt like I had a real reason to live. I noticed myself smiling several times a day. Our conversations would last until the late evening,

Months passed, we talked every day. I noticed that I started being happy in general. People in my school had noticed a change in me. I was now not the depressed suicidal kid, I was happy. I was finally happy!

But, of course, when something good happens something bad will follow, that's how the world stays balanced. In the middle of a conversation Emily grabbed my hand and told me she had some very bad news. I didn't seem to realize that my life would change now, once again. I did not expect her to tell something even close to what I was about to hear.

Emily was going to move. Her parents had found a job, and she told me that this might be the end. I could feel the chaotic thoughts in my mind after she had told me. I was in complete shock for a couple of seconds, when I came to the realization of what was going to happen I burst down in tears. I collapsed down on the ground and I felt her giving me a hug, she obviously was sorry herself, but we couldn't help it, everything would once again change.

She hugged me and I felt like it lasted forever. She gave me a piece of paper and told me not to open it until I got home. She hugged me once again and said goodbye.

When I came home I opened the note she had given me. I started to read what is said while my eyes began to fill up with tears

Don't change one thing about your personality

Your smile, your laughter

It's all a part of your beautiful mind

The world doesn't see your struggles

It doesn't see your pain

All it knows is sweet, wonderful you

So stand tall and shine like the diamond you are

The sweet, wonderful you.