All In My Family

part 1- septembre 14,2016

Megan will take a surgery on her toes tomorrow!!! My heart is up at throat all day.

To be chosen to drive her to the hospital makes me feel like I'm somehow guilty and play a role for her suffering.

But I have no choice. Only to hope I can be imagined by her that my huge muscled arms and shoulders forming a sweet and safe haven for her head to rest in her difficult time, like every little girl dreams that her all-supportive father offers.

But I know that probably won't be the case, no matter how I dream and wish to be her loyal friend, guide, perfect father role model, like that enormous heroic posture sculptured on the marble monument near parliament hill Ottawa.

However life separated us. We were not as close as other daughter-father, though we live under the same roof years and years.

Nonetheless, the surgery thing has weighed on my heart ever since I heard the news. The weight sometime moves to my lung, so that my breath stops a few seconds without knowing it. I tried to chase it out of my head but it constantly drifted back.

Thinking it is the first surgery in her life, I am so afraid that she is too small a kid to endure. The image that she is in pain crying in the hospital bed spins in my mind.

I hope to find ways to be part of the ordeal and be of use to relieve her pain in the slightest.

I pray.