"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
I subtly continued to glance over to her, watching as she held her pencil between her teeth and bobbed her head slightly to whatever music she was currently listening to. She didn't look the least bit confused, glancing down at her paper, possibly contemplating how to word an answer or just reading over a question.
My tongue darts from my mouth to wet my lips, and I look down at my own paper to see that there is still nothing written on it other than my name, the date, and the class I was sitting in. Tapping my pencil on my desk to a beat that was only in my head, I read the first question for the fifth time, still not able to focus on what it says considering the fact that my current state of mind was elsewhere.
I feel something to the extent of a wadded up piece of paper hitting my back, and turn around to see that it is, in fact, exactly that; a wadded up piece of paper. I look up, seeing my friend, Aaron, staring back at me. He motions for me to hurry up and read it, and I give him a questioning look before slowly reaching for the wasted ball of paper.
My eyes scan the words sloppily written down, and I roll my eyes, seeing no point in wasting paper to tell me something so irrelevant; Hey man so Feona is looking pretty hot today.
I write my response, you spelled Fiona wrong idiot, and crumple the paper back up before tossing it back to him.
The bell doesn't give him time to respond, but I'm in no hurry to leave. I keep my eyes trained on her as she exits, moving swiftly as she puts her things away, stands, and leaves. My jaw clenches when I see what she's wearing; skin tight jeans and a fitted black tee with black Nike shoes to top her outfit off. It was a simple creation of perfection that everyone noticed. She was beautiful, not only to me, but to all the other guys that openly gawked her way. The funny thing is, though, that I don't even think she notices.
Her and I are two different people, and in high school we don't mix stereotypes. She's the smart girl that tutors others on her free time, the girl that sits near the front and stays quiet; shows up to all of her classes. Myself, on the other hand, I am none of those things. I'm not caring or smart or quiet. I'm the popular jock, the guy that has all the girls swooning over him and knows it. I go to parties and get drunk before taking a girl home and kicking her out the next morning. We are not the same.
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2/16
What do I do? It's mentally exhausting to fantasize about her when every part of me knows that her and I are not meant to be. The selfish side of me wants just a taste, but the other side of me, the more logical side, knows that that one little taste will lead to a bad craving.
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I haven't slept since Monday. She's on my mind all the time and I don't understand what is going on with me. My baseball career is failing because of this, I can't focus on anything other than her and I don't know the first thing about her.
I sigh heavily, laying on my back on my bed, tossing a baseball in the air and catching it when it comes back down to me. Maybe I just need to go to a party and bring a girl home, then again I know the whole time I'll only be able to see her. I begin to imagine what she might look like with her clothes off, picturing her beneath me.
I shake my head to rid the thought, rolling off my bed to find something to do to distract myself. I go over the list of possible distractions in my head, none stand out. I groan out loud, cursing myself for losing myself in a girl whom has never even glanced my way, and I grab my cell phone from the table beside me.
It rings a couple times before Mason, a close friend of mine, finally answers.
"Hello?"
"Mason, I'm in trouble," I pinch the bridge of my nose and sit myself down on the edge of my bed, "Remember that girl I told you about?" He's silent for a moment, attempting to recollect our previous conversations.
"Adeline? The one in your first period?" He asks. I take a deep breath in, and slowly let it out. Just the sound of her name did something to me, something that I can't quite explain, but part of me liked it.
"Yeah," I nod my head although he can't see, "That girl."
"Yeah? What about her?"
"I can't get my mind away from her," I begin, "All I think about is her, no matter what I do, and I can't stop. I've been with a lot of girls, Mason, but none of them made me feel this way. She's driving me crazy and she has no fucking clue she's doing it."
Mason is silent for a moment, and I begin to think the call ended until he finally spoke, saying "I think you might be in love, bro."
I scoff, letting out a short laugh, "In love? Dude I don't even know what it means to be "in love" but I know for a fact that you can't love someone you've never met before."
"I don't know man, but I have to go, Dani was expecting me to pick her up five minutes ago," he says, "I think you should go up and talk to her. You'll regret it if you don't." With that said, he hangs up before I get the chance to say goodbye, and I'm left alone in my bedroom once again with only her on my mind.
