A Vacant World

1 {Anna Beth}

Dark, cold...freezing, and silent. It was digging into my mind, painful and depressing. I couldn't stand the silence of this winter night, it surrounds me in an empty hug, whispering the words of nothing in my ear. Some people enjoy the silence, not me, I loathe the quiet nights, I hate the silent screams that surround every person, everything on this planet. Like mute drums, it pounds into my skull, I needed something. A music box, something to save me from this mocking silence!

Yes, that was it, mocking, that's all silence ever is, a painful laugh with no sound what so ever! It has been mocking me, following me, ever since birth. Silence makes me seem weaker, fragile, making me seem like someone I'm not. And the most mocking, painful silence of them all, is my forced silence. Thrusted upon me, to be silent in this life. Taking away my voice, and now the world treats me differently! I'm not insignificant or stupid like they think I am.

I'm just silent, like death. I'm hated and occasionally loved, like death. Feared. Feared like death. People fear me because they think I'm fragile and weak and can't do anything, can't understand anything! They fear me for embarrassing themselves. Too late, the way they act, was already embarrassing. They don't know that though, because they can't hear my silent screams, my painful wails, my shrieks, my sobs, my... voice.

My voice. My vacant voice. Who knows how it could've sounded like. It could've been high, low, scratchy, clear, no one knows, not even me. It was nothing. My voice is nothing, and will never ever be anything, because it does not exist. And it will never exist.

All I could do was write and sign what I needed to say. Why bother though? No one pays attention, much less understand what I'm signing. Plus they just skim through what I write or get impatient at my writing. Don't need to bother with that.

Why me? Why did I have to be mute? Why did I have to be looked at as fragile or as a freak! It wasn't fair! My mother says that it's a gift, it makes me special! There is nothing special about not being able to speak! To scream! So why on the miserable planet am I mute?! What is so special about it?! Special. She didn't mean a beautiful special, of course she didn't! No one means that anymore! She means special education. She has to mean that. That's how everyone views me anyways, a disabled, stupid, freak, that they call "special". Because nobody looks at me like the beautiful special, nobody.

Yeah... The silence of this winter night, isn't helping my thoughts. It's so negative, so cold, so empty. Even closing my eyes, I see nothing, I see a vacant spot, I see the a sense of color and light. I wonder if that's how the blind feel. Absent, vacant, like me. I wonder, if they have so much to do but they can't because everyone holds them back, like me.

I couldn't stand it, two months into school and I'm portrayed as weak, helpless. I'm not weak, I'm broken. I'm broken because of all the people who think they can treat me the way they do! They don't treat me like anybody else! They think I'm alien, like I have two heads. I don't. I don't have two heads, I don't have a voice, and I most certainly don't have the rights I deserve. I will not stand for it anymore! Tomorrow, tomorrow I will show them who I am. I will show them who Anna Beth Williams is really capable of, I will show them the silence I've been screaming. I will show them my colors that have turned monochrome. I will show them me. Me.

      Soon slumber finally drifted onto me at the thought. The heavy tiredness weighted on me. I woke up with it still on my chest. My beige walls stood darkly with the dim lighting of the dull early morning. I looked out my window, looking at the white blanket of snow covering the ground around the dead trees. I gave a small smile at the beautiful sight. Something so cold, so blank, be so loved, and yet full of horror. That's what I'm like, that's how I view myself, the winter of the seasons of people. Winter.

{Word Count: 739}