I know we started as enemies at first, made way too many banters for my fingers to count. We argued about the tiniest details and countered one remark after another. We were simply the different poles of a magnet, pushed each other away. And everything changed.
You started looking through me -- noticed the tears I cried every night. You wanted to know my secrets... unravel me, break down my walls. You wanted to peek behind the mask I hid in. You wanted to be my friend, and I let you. You realized that the girl who stood strong and smiled through everything was nothing but a lonely hummingbird without its song.
Each passing day was a petal falling off a flower of memories. It drifted into the wind, whispering songs of joy and laughter, ballads of sorrow and tears. For a moment, I thought those were my songs. I thought I'd finally see the world in technicolor instead of the monochromes I've gotten used to. You opened my eyes, widened my horizons. You made me see ceruleans and crimsons and yellows when I could only see in black and white. I could finally taste symphonies and melodies. You changed me. I went into metamorphosis because of you. I had opened myself up, showed my face to the world. Let my heart go into the open.
Now I know how it feels -- to let someone in, to show him a part of you that no one has ever seen. It felt great to have someone there, in the dark recesses of my anxious mind. But I had one tiny secret I keep. I broke the promise.
The one we made under the oak tree with the stars above us. The one about not keeping secrets from each other and never holding back. I'm sorry. But these walls I put up around my heart, they were too thick. My heart could never break free, never sing its song to the world. I was imprisoned by the bars I made for myself. I could never be set free from these chains that bind me to myself. I was too much for the the world could handle so I shied away -- hid my demons from prying eyes. Though your eyes felt like the home I never had, like the comfort of blankets on a cold winter day, I still had to cover up my flaws... the broken shards of who I truly am. I did this for I know it would pain me to see your heart marred by the sharp edges of my dark thoughts. I had to protect you. So I hid it all from you.
And now, as my farewell to you, my love, I'll tell you everything. From my flustered heartstrings to the tar pit of who I truly am. I shall sing to you my heartsong that never reached you nor did it ever reach my own hearing. I will sing to you every crescendo and diminuendo, each bass and baritone. I will whisper all the harmonies and melodies to you as you sleep soundly tonight whilst I pass on.
I'm sorry, darling. I kept you in the dark all these years. I kept you thinking,
"What's going on in that pretty little mind of yours?"
