Shadowland

PART 1: SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

I lie awake in the cold of my room. I try to snuggle deeper under my blankets for more warmth, but it doesn't work. The cold does not only come from around me, but from inside me as well.

I stare at the clock beside me. It's already 2 o'clock. The voices in my head shout at me, keeping me from sleep. Keeping me from my nightmares.

They remind me of all the things everyone has ever told me: "You're worthless". "There's nothing good about you". "You're fat and ugly". "I never loved you". "I never cared". "You never meant anything".

I stare at my cupboard through teary eyes. I can't take this anymore. I just want all the pain to go away. Please... Please will someone make it stop! I bury my face in my pillow, trying to fight the painful urge I feel to cut. I need to fight it. I need to fight myself, the monsters within me.

People wonder why I sleep with the light on. Some think it's because I'm scared of the dark. It's not. It's just that there is already too much dark inside me. I don't need to be surrounded by more.

I grasp onto the bars at my window and stare at the full moon. It is a cold bright white, partially covered by the branches of the old bare tree outside my window.

"I can't take this anymore." I whisper to myself. "I need a friend to talk to, to distract me but I have no one. They all think I'm nothing. Why do I even exist?"

I bury my face in the pillow again, trying to muffle my endless sobs. My fears of myself build up to a climax and all I can do is shiver as I become a snotty mess. I know I'll regret it in the morning...

I crawl back under the covers, slightly calmer. I silently cry and worry about what everyone will think. Eventually, at 4 o'clock I doze off to my land of nightmares, where the nightmare of my life continues in a different form.

Author's Note:
Welcome to the Shadowland. Trust me when I say it's a place you never want to visit. This is loosely based on experience as everything will be (some of it will be completely true). Please know that I care about everyone and if you ever need someone to talk to, message me. I might not reply immediately, but I will reply. If anyone wants me to write about anything specific, please let me know. I want to help all of you as much as I possibly can.

Stay strong.