Before I Leave

I Really Messed Up

Riley was dumbfounded as she stared at the open window Maya had just left from. She didn't blame Maya for leaving. The girl had just opened her heart, and Riley did not say a word. Her best friend just confessed she was in love with her. Riley had never considered that a possibility. Maya was like her sister, wasn't she?

Riley was up the entire night thinking. She laid in her bed, staring at her ceiling, going over and over the previous night in her mind. Someone made a noise from the hallway outside of her room. One of her parents must be up. Riley looked over at her phone to see it was 4:37am. For someone usually asleep by ten she was still wide awake. After Maya's confession there was no way she could relax.

Riley went downstairs to find her father sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee.

"Dad?"

"What are you doing awake?" Cory was clearly surprised to see his daughter, who usually slept like a log until nine unless she set at least four alarms.

Riley took her usual seat at the table, directly next to Cory's. "I can't sleep. I need to talk to you."

"Sure. What do you need to talk to about?"

She was quite for several moments, unsure of exactly what to say. "What is it like to have a sister?"

Cory laughed, remembering his sister Morgan in high school. "Obnoxious and a lot of work."

"Oh." That didn't sound right. She never thought of Maya as obnoxious, even if the was a lot of work. "What about between you and Uncle Shawn? What's that like?"

"Riley, what's wrong?" He could tell she wasn't being completely straight forward with him.

"I... I'm not sure."

"Then what is inspiring this line of questions?"

"Maya loves me." Riley broke eye contact with her father to stare at the tabletop.

"You both constantly tell each other you love one another. That isn't anything new."

"She... she is in love with me."

"Finally told you, did she?" There was a ghost of a smile on his lips as he said it.

Her head snapped up instantly, "You knew?!" Riley was shocked. How did her father know this before she did?

"We all knew. She came out to Shawn and Katy a few months ago."

"Came out?" Riley's brow was furrowed as confusion passed over her face.

"Maya doesn't like boys, Riley. Do you know what that means?"

Dawning began to come over her, "She's a lesbian?"

Cory nodded, somewhat surprised Riley even knew that word.

"What about Lucas? The triangle? This makes no sense!"

He gave her a sympathetic smile, "The triangle was about you, sweetie. It was never about Lucas."

"Why did she never tell me? Did she really think that would change how I feel about her?" Riley's voice was high and flustered. In the last ten hours her entire world had been turned on its head.

"What did you say when she did tell you?"

Riley felt ashamed, "I didn't say anything. I sort of just stared at her. I really messed up, Dad."

"It's a lot to take in," He took her joint hands in his. "So, what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know. This isn't something I've ever thought about before." Slowly, one-by-one, tears began to cascade down Riley's cheeks. "I love her. I can't lose her. What do I do?"

"No one can answer that for you. You need to figure that out for yourself, but I can say one thing. What you and Maya have has never been conventional."

"W-what d-do you mean?" She tried to hold back the pain which was desperately trying to escape from her sobs.

"You never go anywhere without the other. You cuddle, I mean what friends do that?" He chuckled, "Not to mention you both hold hands more often than even your mother and I do."

"I thought that's just something you do with your best friend," Riley averted her gaze again.

"Shawn and I are the best friends in the entire universe. I've never walked down our school hallways holding his hand. People would have thought we were - "

"- gay. They would have thought you were gay." Her eyes grew wide, "Oh my god. Have I been dating Maya?"

Cory laughed, "You can't date someone without realizing it, Riley. I'd be lying if a few teachers at school haven't asked me that exact question though."

Riley's jaw dropped, tears formed in her eyes. Her eyes pleaded with her dad for answers.

"Riley, do you want to date Maya?"

She threw her hands in the air as she jumped from her chair, "I'm supposed to be dating Lucas! I don't know what I want!"

"When you look into the future who is the one by your side?"

"I need to go," Riley took off running up the stairs to her room and grabbed her phone off the bed. She hastily scrolled through her contacts to initiate the call.

"Riley? What's wrong? It's five in the morning." The voice on the other end sounded groggy and confused, clearly having just woken up from her call.

"Lucas, we need to talk."