Untold Stories of Our Household

Apt 3A

I got home from school and was so unbelievably tired. I had stayed up all night to finish my stupid English assignment.

The pressure from my mom was not helping. I found it hard to understand how she expected me to get grades over an 80, have a job to help her with the rent, and take care of my sister when she was at work... which was all the time. Im only 15. I see how my friends parents have been giving them more freedom while I was just being tied down with more responsibilities.

Some days I feel fine, like i can handle it, but other times the dark thoughts take over and getting out of bed in the morning is like a battle, breathing is something im conscious of, and living is something I no longer want to do. I think about how hard things would be on my mom if I wasnt here, but then again thats one less mouth to feed, one less back to clothe.. I know she needed me, but I needed my self more.

I got into the shower, drowsily washing myself, sluggishly getting out and wrapping the towel around myself. It was 3:30 and my mom wasnt going to come home with my sister till 8. I had alot of time to get everything done. I took a nap. I didnt even bother to get dressed, just jumped in bed and knocked out. Cold.

"GET THE FUCK UP."

I woke up to the sound of my mom yelling at me, she had come home early.

"You have things to do, im tired of you slacking off!" she said and walked out.

"Good-evening to you too" I muttered to myself, But that was my mom, treated you like you mean nothing but expected you to do everything.

When I got dressed and walked out of my room she was still going on about how lazy I am and, that I dont do enough around the house, she said she was going to send me to live with my dad. She sent me out to get groceries but as I was leaving I yelled "Since I'm such a useless being, dont expect me to come back !"

"And where do you think you'll stay" she said, with a bit of amusement on her face.

"Dont worry about it. somewhere way better than here !" and I left.

I couldnt take it anymore she was so unappreciative of everything I help her with, for 4 years ive been acting like her slave and what did I get? not even a thank you. All the money I worked for went to her. I was done with that. Done with her, Done with everything.

It was mid December and really cold. After a hour and a half of walking I realized I had no where to go. The anger had died down and I was left with those dark thoughts. I didnt know where I was and my toes and fingers were numb. I decided I was going to give in to the thoughts ive been fighting since I was 11, She didnt need me, she had said it herself.

I found a big snow bank, I took off my jacket to lay on. At first I felt pain as the cold air hit my body, but then I went numb, and started to feel sleepy, I smiled as I felt the warmness wave over me. There was no stress, there was no anxiety, and there was no more dark thoughts, there was just me. My mind. My free mind, and with that I drifted to sleep.