Starting by the time I was four, my mom was an alcoholic. My father was gone by the time I woke up and back shortly after I went to bed. He was always gone because my mother was in school and he was the only one working. Now, if I were the only kid he probably wouldn't have had to work like this. Instead, I had 6 older siblings. Two of these siblings had been adopted, four were from my dad and his ex , and I was an accident.
At only 19, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, told she wouldn't live or had children. Nearly 20 years later, I came along. My father had married at a younger age to an insane woman. They had four children together and then the woman split.
Growing up, I had a rough start, but I knew that there was more than that to me. Although I had an attitude, I was incredibly bright. In the second grade I could read at a ninth grade level, but we don't stay in second grade forever.
When I was eight I began to be bullied. This was when I had started to gain weight. Before the weight gain I was anorexic. Anorexia may have effected me in some ways, but never my hair. My hair reached all the way down to my waist and was blonde in color. The sudden weight gain decreased my self esteem which made me shy.
The bullying continued on even when I was ten and eleven. It seemed to never stop, because now the one place that I could be myself was filled with it. I found comfort online because everyone had secrets and many people were like I am. Some people had the same music taste, personality, or we just clicked. Although everything might have seemed peachy, there was still a dark side to it. That's when bullying hit me even harder. It had come to the point where one night I grabbed a knife. Sitting on my bed, I cried over that knife. I pushed it into my arm, drawing blood. I made cuts like this half way up my arm before i decided enough was enough.
It was around this time that I had met a boy online. He made me promise him that I wouldn't do it again. The blood before had scared me, yet given me a rush. I promised him I wouldn't but shortly after I broke that promise. Niall wasn't too happy with me. I understood that he was watching out for me, but why he was so upset about it had driven me to ask him why. This is when Niall turned out to mean so much more to me. He had cut himself too and sometimes he still did it. The happy boy I had once knew was suicidal on the inside. At this point he had friends, few, but they were friends. These friends didn't really know about his situation, so I felt that I needed to stick around no matter what.
