This is not true!
28/11/11
Dear Diary,
First of all I hate saying “dear diary”. I’d much rather give my diary a name so it feels like I’m talking to mate, not a book. I’ll name my diary Karl after Karl Stefanovic. Well hey Karl. I feel kind of silly for talking to a book but it already I feel better. It’s a relief to be able to talk with somebody or something that will listen.
If anybody is reading this let me tell you something. I know I’m 15 but I know a thing or two. Please just listen to me. At first love is something so beautiful, you feel amazing and your confidence in it is oh so strong. The more you are in love the doubts are only small and mean nothing. Don’t let he doubts overcome you, listening to them is a trap. Just have faith! He or she will always be on your mind, just even when you hear their name, even in you mind when you are thinking about them will make you smile.
I’m not trying to say you should never love somebody. Love is a beautiful thing we are lucky to have. I’m just resentful so I will be telling you the pros and cons of it. If you don’t want to hear it don’t waste you time :)
My name is Jenner and I am just a 15 year old girl trying to find who she is. Most of the time I always have this boy on my mind. His name is Luke. We have been through a lot this year. He helped me through the death of my best friends father. I helped him through the break up of one of his most serious relationships. We have been through so many things I could go on for hours about it.
The thing that stings my heart is that I honestly believed I was in love with him. I may think to myself I’m not in love but I know I still am. He says he still loves me. I know he does but I do know he doesn’t. We aren’t the same. Not after we went out. That was my fault because I just had the strongest urge to go out with him but hey I guess I am a selfish brick wall afterwards.
We are distant. We might as well be strangers again. We have started into something so beautiful. Now it feels like it’s game over. Now I believe love is an illusion. Why do I worry so much? He wouldn’t worry. So why should I? I just care to much to let it slide. I have to keep reminding myself that I don’t need somebody to make me feel whole. I only need myself, but it just feels like a piece of me is missing, that’s what sting my heart the most.
When it starts to feel like it’s all over you feel like shit. Complete shit. You still think about them except when you hear their name when your thinking about your gut drops and you feel like crying. I haven’t cried yet. Scared I’ll start but unable to stop. It makes me sick to think about him so much.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he was avoiding me to talk to another girl. Not to tune her. Just the fact as it used to be me he would talk to. I can’t go on. It's just my mind keeps telling me to. The more I talk about this the more I get over him. I’m the type that moves on fast. Gee, only if I could write my assignments as quick as this. When ever I see a photo of him. I have a huge urge to cry. I wish I wasn’t like this. I’m such a sook but I’m glad I write down my feelings instead of whining to people.
19/11/11
Hey Karl,
Last night I just cried. Thinking about him got to much. It just got to me. I looked at a photo of him and then I started bawling my eyes. I seemed to quickly dry those tears up as I was singing Resentment by Beyoncé. I would have moved on by now but why haven’t I? I have too much to lose. I’m just afraid of letting go of something I had so great. This is the fear. This stings my heart even more.
