Mistaken

Chapter Three: End it

    I pulled into the drive about midnight. Both my brothers were home but I could tell someone was up the lights were on. I knew I'd never hear the end of it. I was always supposed to let one of them know if I was going to be out later than usual. I don't understand why though. I'm 17 I'm practically an adult. So why is everyone treating me like I'm a kid. I climb out of my jeep and lock it heading for my front door. I unlock the door and walk in to see Adrian sitting on the couch watching tv. I close the front door and start walking to my room. "You know you're supposed to call one of us to let us know if you're going to be late." He says softly. I stop and turn my head to the side but my back towards him. I know he's staring at me. "I know. I just got a little caught up with a few things. You don't need to worry. I know how to handle myself." I say starting to walk again. He stands up and walks over to me and turns me around. "It's not a matter of whether you can handle yourself or not. It's a matter of we don't really know anyone here and I don't want you getting hurt. If I don't know where you are then I get in trouble as your guardian if something happens to you." He says starting to get frustrated. " I'm not a little kid anymore. So you and Mickey need to stop treating me like I am one. I can make decisions for myself. I don't need you to do it." I say angrily before turning and walking into my room slamming and locking my door.
    Here's the thing.... I liked being alone and that scared my brothers. They know I've been through so much. They know I've been hurting. But they don't get it and they never will. They'll never understand why ... why I tried to kill myself. It started with my mom... she always caused so much anxiety in me. All I ever wanted from her was love. But she hated me... she hated me and I never knew why. I didn't understand why she wouldn't want me. She gave birth to me. I was her only daughter. It progressively got worse in fourth grade when I started to get bullied for my weight. I'll admit I was a chunky kid. But for six years the taunting, the name calling, the threats. By the time I got to my sophomore year I'd dropped all the weight. I was smaller, thinner, and more filled out. But I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror because all I could see was the girl that I was for six years when kids would tease me. And then mom cheated on my dad and she got pregnant. She left him. She left us. She didn't care. And dad said everything would be okay. He put on a brace face for us but we knew he was crushed. He loved her. He adored her. And she broke him. When we got the call that morning that there had been a huge pile up and he was in it. I panicked and cried and prayed he was alright. But all good things must come to an end right? I knew something was wrong when Adrian came in my room that night with sadness in his eyes. At that moment I shut everyone out. I didn't leave my room for days. I barely ate. And when I finally went back to school everyone knew what had happened. I received the most awful messages from people. They told me to kill myself... I could die and no one would care. And I'm my mind... they were right. I went home that night and dug through my parents medicine cabinet. I climbed into the bathtub, opened the pills and took them all. I realized what I had done but through there was no going back now. I slumped down and slowly closed my eyes.
    I wasn't dead though... no of course I wasn't. I woke up a couple days later in the hospital. Mickey had found me shortly after I had taken them and rushed me to the hospital. He's gotten me to throw most of them up but not all of them. They said that I was in a coma like state for a while. Adrian and Mickey had been crying  you could tell by the puffiness in their cheeks and their red eyes. They were sleeping though and I didn't wanna wake them. What had I done to my family? Why couldn't they just let me go too? Why did I have to stay here and suffer all the bullshit? Mickey always says that God never gives us challenges we can't handle. But why was I being tested so hard? What did I do to deserve this type of pain? I didn't wanna be here. I didn't wanna live through this. When I finally got to go home Mickey and Adrian never let me leave the house unless one of them was with me. They became overbearing and overprotective. Every hour they'd come knock on my door to make sure I was okay and if I didn't respond fast enough or I didn't hear them cause my headphones were in they'd almost break down my door. It was getting to be too much and I just couldn't handle it. They were going to drive me insane. I had to put an end to it. After a few more weeks I finally blew up and told them to back off before I lost my mind. I know they had good intentions but fuck I just couldn't do it. A soft knock on my door pulled me out of my thoughts. I could hear Adrian sigh before he spoke. " I know you're not a little kid Mykie... I just want to make sure that you're safe. You mean the world to us and if we lost you... we'd be heart broken. You know we love you very much. I'm going to bed now... goodnight." And with that he walked away. Tears streamed down my face. I felt so mean. I know he meant good and I shouldn't have gotten angry. I lay my head down on my pillow and stare at my clock until I fall asleep.