Not edited. Don't worry it gets better further along.
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Why can't love ever stay... Why does it flee at the sight of welcoming arms? Is it like this for everyone? Is it just me? It is just me.
I swallowed my emotions, trying to seem strong amongst my peers. Just hold out until the end Alena. You can do it.
I coaxed myself through that entire experience, you wouldn't be able to relate to me... No one could. All that people could offer was shy condolences, stuffy hugs and tears of which I didn't believe. I was stuck in a pity attracting socket of which my life had suddenly been plunged into. I wish I never learned to dance.
FLASHBACK:::
"Hey baby we won't be late I promise! You will be great!"
My mom comforted, pushing a final pin into my hair. "There Arabella! You look like an angel!" My mother pulled out a silver mirror. My hair was tied in a huge bun that was pulled so tight I didn't think I could frown again. However I still managed a grimace. "She looks like poop! And smells like it too!" Luke, my eight year old stinker commented. "You're a little jerk!" I spat crossing my arms.
"EVERYONE!" My dad bellowed, bringing out his "Big Boss" tone that he only used in fear or anger. "I need to focus to get us there on time! Now if you both don't settle down I will turn right around!" I bit my lip angrily and turned to the window.
It was peaceful. The snowflakes all drifted down on their own schedule and piled on top of one another. The thin road hugged our tires as we sped down the icy slope. I breathed on the window and drew a smiley face, it was my way of greeting the dark. Say hello to the scary and they'll say hi back! The scary is only scary because they're unhappy! My dad always said that when I couldn't sleep. We'd stay up for hours naming and greeting the things that scared me. "Hang on guys were heading for a sharp turn!" My dad spun the wheel. The cars route didn't change. My mom screamed, I gripped my brother. Our car fell of a mountain cliff and into a pine tree.
FLASHBACK ENDS::::
I stepped to the altar. There is nothing harder to control then emotions. Especially when your speaking about your entire family's death.
"Hi... I'm Arabella You know the last surviving member of the Morganite family. I just want to say that..." I paused. Not that I was afraid or anything. I just stood... Spectating, gazing upon all of my families "friends". Most of these goddamn people I didn't even know! All they were thinking about was the money my family possessed. "Let's befriend this fragile girl so that she will include us in her will. Send all of your sons to come wed me, you sad, hopelessly mislead matrons.
My speech held no feeling no tears, it was simply a statement. Not too different from one you might give in a science project. A conclusion to my entire families life.
It took more than two hours for the concession to end, all the while I was bombarded with non meaningful apologies and unwanted, insincere love. It took another full hour for the whole party to trickle of into their respective groups and head on their way. Now, all alone I sat with my back against my fathers coffin and talked to him. "Hey... Daddy, I'm really scared. I have tried greeting already but all it does is make me reminisce about that night. I never meant for this to happen daddy I only wanted to be there on time! I so so scared! I'm all alone and I can't talk about it with anyone cause they're all god damn players! Daddy I need you! You cannot be dead I can't do this on my own! I can't live life without you guys! I need you! I need all of you. I need my family. Daddy I'm scared..." I sobbed, rocking on my toes, digging my fingers into my fists until they bled. "Daddy I...I... Why? Why was I they only one? Why couldn't I die too! Why didn't I die? Why didn't I die? .... Hello daddy, hello mommy, hello Luke. I love you. And you aren't dead. I know you aren't your just hiding!" I jumped up. My mind flooded with false hope and I scampered around, checking tables desk and doors. "Why are you being so cruel? Come out! I've given up with hide and seek!" My desperate, tear stained voice remenated through tout the hall. I fell to my knees. I cried and cried. After the first two hours I was pretty sure I couldn't cry anymore but I was wrong. I sobbed and choked, gasping and calling my families names until my butler carried my little body to the hearse and drove me home. He sat there in the back with me and we went through new names. I guess I'm going through and after death crisis.
4 years later:::
"Hey Delialah! What you looking at?" My gaze froze on my calculus teacher. "Nothing Mr. Evan! Just reviewing my notes!" I squealed. He waltzed up to me and grabbed my sketchbook. "Why does your notes include a drawing of a coffin? With me inside? Is their some thing you'd like to tell me Ms. Wen?" I shook my head quickly. "No Mr. Evans." He tore my drawing out of the book and crunched it up. Sticking it in the trash. "I don't want to see anything like that. You're already failing and you are persistent to reveal my bad side! Smarten up Wen!"
"I swear Delialah! It has been the longest day in history!" My closest friend Lela moaned. She was the closest thing to a sibling I had since... Well in awhile. "Aren't you glad the week is over? I mean why wouldn't you? What a stupid question to ask! Of course you're glad! Are you okay about that whole Mr. Evans thing? I swear he's out to get you! And what about..." I tuned out. One thing that made our friendship click was that Lela loved to talk, and I liked to be silent and listen. Sometimes though I did wish she would shut up.
We were half way to Lela's house when she finally stopped talking. I let out a mental sigh. Three minutes passed and still no discussion. Strange. I looked over to see Lela sound asleep, her curly, deep red hair, flapped and twirling in the wind, trailing like a kite behind her.
"Hey Lela... You're home." I whispered in her ear, making sure to be close enough for her to feel my breath. She jumped awake, looking like a recently discharged lunatic. "What the hell!" She screeched, frantically wiping her ear. "Did lick my ear Del?" She dramatically yelled keeping her eyes wide. "Maybe I did!" I spoke quietly with a smirk. "EWWWWWW! You're nasty!" She vaulted over the side of the convertibles door. "See you tonight!" She yelled behind her. I gave her back a puzzles look and adjusted my rear view -mirror.
"Mistress Wen! What took you so long? Usually you are home by 3:30!" My butler Xavier inquired in his snooty British accent. "Dropped off Lela." I dismissed, handing him my coat. "Miss... You know we must relocate if she discovers about your past...." I turned and glared at him and he ducked his head, avoided my stare. I looked up at the grand portrait of my family. "You don't think I realized that? You don't think I know! I am nearly seventeen now Xavier! In less then a month I inherit, not only the entirety of my families fortunes but also the entire organization that my father spent his ever breath building and ruling! I will be the holder of the Morganite Clan! You don't think I spend all waking moments planning? Strategizing? Keeping my people a secret?" I collapsed to the floor. My raven hair creating a pool around me. "Mistress..." Xavier said softly. "LEAVE!" I commanded in my most overbearing tone. It wasn't a second later before I heard the click clack of my butlers retreat. My shoulders shook, salty tears collided on the floor, leaving my face sticky and hot. I stopped abruptly, "No feelings is better." I assured myself and got up, striding up the grand oak staircase.
My library was my favorite place in this house. It had a soaring ceiling and bookshelves that followed. It had tall ladders and comfy, plush armchairs, placed neatly around the circular room. The black wool carpet felt like an anchor in this world, keeping me from falling into the hell I narrowly missed years ago.
I climbed the squeaky ladder until I reach my favorite spot. When I first arrived here I found a gap between two boards of the third to top shelf. When I pulled I found and old candle. I began to use it as a secret reading spot, packed with pillows blankets and my most treasured novels. I lit my newest candle and wrapped myself up in blankets. Instead of reading books though, I let my mind wander. I gazed absent-mindedly at the huge tapestries, placed in the spaces between shelves. I looked around the warm, dimly lit room, thinking of my upcoming birthday and my parents. Why couldn't they be here? Why did they leave me?
*I can see your halo, halo, halo
I can see your halo, halo, halo* I started. I scrabbled around in my blankets, trying to find my phone. "Hello?" I said into the phone. "Where the hell are you Delialah? It's 9:30! You're almost two hours late!" Lela yelled over the background music. "It's 9:30?! Where are you? Late for what?" I said groggily. "Yeah it's 9:35 actually! You're late for Gregory's house party! Come on Delialah! You promised me you'd come this time!" I mentally slapped myself. "I am so sorry Lela! I completely forgot and not only that but it seems I have been sleeping for five and a half hours!" I yawned. "No sh!t you sound like you just died!" Lela chuckled at her own joke. "Probably look like it too!" I joked back and she laughed. "You owe me big time for this one. Kay? You are so going to the next five parties that come up." I gulped and agreed. I was just about to hang up when I heard a loud bang and a cacophony of screams. Including Lela's. "Where is she?!" Bellowed an unfamiliar voice. "Where is Arabella Morganite!" My heart jumped to my throat. They had found me.
