Asking Mary Why

Discovery

We left the mysterious room and went back up the stairs. After being in the room for almost three hours, I was a little disoriented when I saw the bright light shining through the large windows in her kitchen. 

"Where are we going now?" I asked.

"Her room silly, where else?" 

"Alright."

She led me up a winding staircase that went up about two stories, then turned to the left and led me down a long hallway. The floor seemed to match the mahogany railings on the stairs, and the walls were painted a glossy white, with many pictures of their family hung up against the shiny walls. Occasionally, there was a small table with a vase full of brightly colored flowers, or a small pot with a tree inside strewn about the hallway. 

"Here it is," she said. We turned left to find a baby blue door, covered in rainbow stickers, pink stickers, and a ton of rainbow streamers. The door was shut though, so I couldn't see inside just yet. 

"That is, uh, not what I was expecting," I said, questioningly.

"You're surprised by the door? What until you see inside," she said mysteriously while reaching for the bronze handle. When she turned it and opened the door, I was instantly overwhelmed by the smell of, roses? Maybe old perfume, possibly, death? I didn't really want to say death but, that's what it reminded me of. The air was stale, and seemed dusty.

"You get used to the smell," Lola said, pushing the door even further. The walls were black, the furniture was black, her bedding was black, her carpet was black. She had various emo band posters on her walls, there were many black roses, and a good amount were dead. Her bed had a canopy with many sheer, transparent, and striped black sheets on top. It looked like a king sized bed, with the largest comforter I've ever seen. On either side was a small nightstand, with a black lamp, and a small vase with a black rose inside.

"Well shit," I said, immediately regretting it.

"It isn't what you'd expect, that much is for sure. She tended to keep this part of her hidden."

"Yeah, this wasn't what I was expecting at all," I said questioningly. 

Lola moved toward the bed and fell on it, messing up the perfectly smooth covers. She buried her face in the velvet portion of the comforter and began to sob. 

"I'm really sorry, I can't imagine what you must be going through," I said to her.

"You know exactly what I'm going through. You lost your dad, right? How did you cope?" she asked.

The truth is, I never truly coped; I just forgot about it. The weeks I spent balled up in my room screaming at nothing, kicking the walls, and sobbing my eyes out did nothing for me. In the end, he was still gone, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

"There was... Nothing," I said quietly.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"What do you mean nothing?"

"There was nothing I could do! I couldn't bring him back, no matter how hard I tried. I looked into cults, voodoo, black magic, and anything I could think of. It was all bullshit, all of it! Some religious people tried to convince me he was in a better place. Some medical people tried to convince me that he felt no pain. My mom tried to convince me to move on. The fact of the matter was, he was gone. G-O-N-E. I thought of him as the most selfish man I had ever met. Who drives drunk when they have a family? I-" she'd cut me off with a long hug. It felt nice, warm, and secure. For the first time in a while, I felt at peace.