DON'T GO

Star-Crossed

Why can't I forget?

I tried, you know?

I really did. My heart was hurting something awful and I tried, believe me, I tried to forget.

But how could I, when he was the best thing that ever happened to me?

And I ruined any chance we had because I was selfish.

And I honestly didn't think that it would go the way it did.

But that's for later.

It's for the best, I keep telling myself.

I only have myself to blame, you know?

What good would come of it?

He's moved on, hasn't he?

He has every right to have done so, don't you think?

He's completely forgotten me and fuck, it's for the best. I can only cause him more harm if I tried to come back into his life. That's if I could ever. He wouldn't want me. Not after this. What we had, well, that was in the past, right? The past shall remain in the past.

But it was good.

No, fuck that, it was great.

He was, and will always be the love of my life. My first and only true love.

And in a split second, I sabotaged our life, the life we could have built and it all came tumbling down in a matter of days. It was never my intention to destroy him. I love him. I do. But you don't believe me because you know that I am self-absorbed, only thinking of my own happiness and survival. But I could never have him completely and I knew that when I first introduced myself to him. When I saw him at my husband's gala, he was a new face. I didn't know at the time that he was my husband's business rival. I sat on the board of my husband's global empire, but I didn't give a shit about all the trinkets he bought and sold, I being one of the flashy items he picked up at a sale. I was just a pretty face that he plopped in business meetings, making his partners think that I actually had some business acumen to conduct any negotiations. I most certainly didn't. I was a pawn in my husband's sick game. Everyone though he was some good guy, doing all this philanthropic work, and on the surface, he was. He donated millions to various charities, but if it ever got out what he was really into, shit would hit the fan. He kept me close and held the cards of my life in his hands. I had no real out. Try living your life with daily threats and beatings. Yeah, you would follow the rules that were imposed on you too.

I knew what I was doing but I couldn't resist. I didn't think it would go as far as it did. He was a new toy and I was excited to play with it. But my husband proved who was the boss and showed me that I would never be happy like that. I was married to him, he said. I was nothing without him, he said. He allowed me to play with my new toy for a while, he said. He didn't think it would go as far as it did either. I would get bored with my playthings after a while. I always did. I was that princess stuck in a faraway tower and any chance for escape, I took it. Even to delude myself for those fleeting moments. I didn't think that this would happen and I ended up hurting him in a way that he'd never forgive me. I couldn't face him. Or could I?

My husband was an international businessman and he didn't have time to indulge all my little fancies, he said. He had a professional image to maintain and how would it look if I were to be seen on the arm of another man? In public, no less. Absolutely unheard of. He gladly paid anyone else to entertain me, behind closed doors, but I was his. I belonged to him, he paid for me, after all. I could never be free of him and he'd sooner kill me before he'd let me run off with anyone else.