Uncle Wars

"Alright, Trè, it's been like thirty minutes, can I hold him already?!" Mike shouted exasperatedly, fighting back the remarkably strong urge to just rip the toddler out of Trè's arms.

"What? No!" Trè shot back defensively, wrapping the little one-year-old more tightly in his arms. "You're so full of shit, it hasn't been thirty minutes!"

"Yes it has! It's been more than that, actually! Can you just give him to me please?!"

"Eh-no! No. You'll get your turn, just not right. Right now, he's with his favorite uncle. Isn't that right, Spazzy Wazzy?"

He kissed the baby's forehead and bounced him on his lap, making him laugh and gurgle in pleasure.

"Oh you did not just go there," Mike growled, narrowing his eyes.

"Hell yeah I did," Trè said, straightening up to face his taller friend. "He likes me way more than you. You wanna fight?"

"What? No, I don't want to- you're so stupid, he likes me more."

"Oh yeah? Whose name did he learn first, huh? I'm pretty damn sure the second word out of his mouth was Teh!"

"What?! That doesn't prove anything, he was just repeating your name because he was so used to hearing his dad yelling at you!"

"And who, other than Billie, was the only person he wanted to walk with when he was learning?"

"Oh, shut up, Trè! Need I remind you of the cough syrup? The nasal spray? The oxygen mask for fuck's sake?"

"Okay, LISTEN RIGHT HERE MICHAEL RYAN PRITCHARD, THAT WAS ONLY BECAUSE YOU DID IT WRONG! YOU DIDN'T GIVE HIM THE RIGHT AMOUNT, HE ONLY LIKED IT BETTER WHEN YOU DID IT BECAUSE IT WASN'T AS PAINFUL!"

"WHAT?!"

Mike jumped up on the couch and nearly hit his head on the ceiling.

"WHAT?! NO! HE LIKES ME BETTER BECAUSE I KNOW HOW TO BE SOFT AND GENTLE WITH HIM! YOU ONLY KNOW HOW TO BE LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS, WHEN HE WANTS A GOOD CUDDLE LATE AT NIGHT WHO DOES HE GO TO, HUH?! HUH? WHO DOES HE GO TO?!"

"WELL AT LEAST HE KNOWS MY NAME!"

Mike growled and jumped off the couch, throwing himself across the floor and sliding up in front of Trè and the little boy.

"He knows my name," Mike snarled at Trè, his azure eyes burning and his thin blond brows arched. "Spazzy, Spazzy, what's my name?"

Spazzy, who had now began to suck on his own hand, only stared down at Mike innocently, no sound escaping his tiny mouth with the exception of a few whimpers.

"C'mon, what's my name, baby? What's my name?" Mike's eyes implored the boy for some kind of answer, anything, anything at all, that sounded even remotely close to "Mike".

However, to Mike's chagrin, Spazzy refused to utter a word.

Mike grabbed Spazzy's pudgy arms in desperation and squeezed them gently, saying, "Come on, I know you know my name, just say 'Mike'. 'M-m-Mike."

Spazzy took his hand out of his mouth and looked down at Mike, studying his desperate face intently.

"M-m..."

"Yes!! Yes, that's it, baby boy, you got it!" His face lit up like a Christmas tree. "M-M-Mike! You can do it!"

"M-m."

"What? No, no, Spazzy, keep going, you can do it!" The desperation that had left his face so quickly had now returned.

Spazzy, unfortunately, did not seem to want to help Mike and stayed completely silent, only staring.