Grinny

Diary 1: January 14

@Astonishing news! I had just come back from Mac's house and had just been shouted at, ad usual, by Mum (TAKE YOUR BOOTS OFF) when I heard a taxi grinding up the drive and soon after, our bell being rung I was still in the foyer, so I opened the door and there she was, all five feet one of her, with two gi-normous trunks. I did not know what to say, but she said, "I am your Great-Aunt Emma. You must be Tim," and I mumbled something about calling Mother, but Mum had heard the bell and came hurtling along the corridor shouting, "If it's the Guides, it must wait till Tuesday and if it's Mac, tell him to TAKE HIS BOOTS OFF." When she goes to heaven, she will say this to all of the archangels.
I said, "It's Great-Aunt Emma, Mum; were you expecting?—" But she simply said, "Most amusing, you witty lad!" in her Wednesday matinée voice and went racing past her way to the kitchen. Then she caught a glimpse of Aunt Emma and stopped in her tracks and came to the doorway. "Who?" she said. "Great-Aunt who?" I could see she was completely taken aback and had never heard of GAE, as I will henceforth refer to Great-Aunt Emma, as she is bound to figure largely in these pages from now on.
GAE said, "You remember me, Millie!" but Mum could only see a vague shape and replied, "Oh dear, I am afraid I don't quite remember—" Then I switched on the porch light and Mum could see GAE properly. GAE leaned forward and said again, "You remember me, Millie!" and this time it registered and Mum cried out, "Great-Aunt Emma! Oh, do come in, you must be freezing. Tim, help with the luggage.
So we got her inside and she is rather q queer old party. Very short, with a hat with a veil, gloves, and a way of smiling vaguely. Her teeth are very good (false?) and a she is very neat. Her shoes hardly have creases in them over the instep, as if she never walked, yet she is quite spry considering her age, and soon she and Mum were chattering away about the trip and so on. At first Mum didn't seem quite with the situation. I could tell she was faking a lot, but she is such a good faker (unlike Father) that only an outsider could have told that she was a bit baffled by GAE. Anyhow, this soon passed. I saw her (Mum) wipe the back of her hand across her brow, which is always a sign that her mind is now made up and Into Action! After another few minutes you could have sworn that Mum had been expecting GAE for the last two weeks, that the bed was aired, and so on. She is very good at that sort of thing.
Then Father and Beth came in from feeding the rabbits. He made a complete mess of it ad usual, saying all the wrong things and making it quite clear that he hadn't a clue about the very existence of Great Aunt. But she fixed him with her beady eye, and grinned, and said, "You remember me, Edward!" And he reentered the twentieth century in great style, pouring everyone sherry. He gave Beth (who is nine) as much sherry as me (eleven) which is typical. Beth was as ever the Outstanding Social Success and shook hands and said, "Oh what a lovely surprise," and looked more like a TV ad then ever. I suppose it's a graceful accomplishment, but it's also the mark of a little cow. She swallowed the sherry pretty fast and went across to pour herself some more, but Mum caught her eye and said "Beth...!" and that was the end of that. I got another half glass later. It is quite good sherry, a Manzanilla.
Mum drew me aside and of course it was me that had to go and put hot-water bottles in the spare bed and turn on the heaters and so on to get the room ready for GAE.
when I got back to the living room they were all talking away. GAE obviously had a knack for social chitchat, she just asks questions that set people talking again. When I came in, she said, "Tim, are you old enough to smoke?" I said no, of course, although I have smoked (what a ridiculous habit). She said, "I am so glad, nozw I won't have to be polite and offer you one of these horrid things, I only have four left." She pulled out a packet of Gauloises and lit one—she had already had one, the stub was in an ashtray—and said, "Let me see, arevyou fourteen or fifteen, Tim?
I felt myself turning pink at this ridiculous question and mumbled, "Eleven. Nearly twelve." Sure enough, Beth said, "But he's old enough to shave, Aunt Emma!" in her Sweet Little Girl voice, and everyone began to say, What shave? When shave? Why shave? Who shave? How shave? just a Beth intended. What makes it all worst is that I tried Father's shaving things that time simply out of curiosity, not to prove myself a great hairy man or anything stupid like that. But of course, as Father is always reminding me, WAW Women Always Win.
Anyhow, what an absurd thing to ask me if am fourteen or fifteen, quite obviously I am not. If GAE thought she was flattering me, wrong guess. I tried to cover up by asking her how she was. Beth murmured, "How rude"—another point to her—but GAE said, " I have been sixty nine now for more years that i care to remember," and everyone laughed politely.
So it went on like that and she eventually went off to bed in high style. Thank heaven she is not a kisser, just a peck-on-the-cheeker. When Aunt Lillian was here, saying good night was like those old movies with sobbing violins.
Will get Beth somehow.