To Poland, With Love

Chapter 1

Toris hung up the phone, sighing. Feliks wasn't listening to him again. It seemed that he was always ignoring him nowadays. He just was trying to look out for his friend, but Feliks never took him seriously. Toris tied his hair back, looking out the window. It was a perfectly lovely spring day and usually he'd be outside and play chess with Eduard but Mr. Ivan gave him chores to do and it was best to do those first.
Toris hated making Mr. Ivan mad. He was extremely scary when he was angry. It did no one any good to see the boss in a bad mood, especially considering all he did for them. Sure, he was kind of forced to live with Mr. Ivan but Toris would be lying if he said he didn't have some good days here. Plus Eduard was somewhat good company and he enjoyed playing games with Raivis.
The only thing Toris genuinely hated was being left alone, but sometimes he had no choice. Mr. Ivan always took either Eduard or Raivis with him but he was left alone at home, expected to clean or cook.
Sometimes Feliks would come over and spend the day with him and they'd play chess and Toris would always let him win but Feliks hadn't been over in a month and he wondered if maybe it was his fault. Was he pushing his friend away? Did Feliks read him like a book and figured out exactly why he always won chess or why Liet was a stammering mess around him? Toris shook his head free of those thoughts. It did him no good to worry. It wouldn't be the first time he had lost a friend.
The house was unusually quiet, Mr. Ivan must be gone away on business to America like he told them yesterday. Toris has never been to America but the way Mr. Ivan talks about it, it seemed very much like a beautiful place. Though he had a sneaking suspicion the praise was just because of Alfred. He sighed. So he was definitely alone.
The kitchen was dirty as per usual but it smelled of coffee. Mr. Ivan must have just left. Toris left the coffee pot alone, starting to do the dishes. He liked doing dishes because then he could pretend he was Cinderella, waiting for her Prince. Usually that prince bore a striking resemblance to Feliks. Toris could pretend he could get saved by his true love and live happily ever after. Didn't he deserve that?
The dishes were soon finished and Toris was thrust back into reality. He sighed once more. Chores were never usually fun but today he felt like he was dying. Everything was moving so slowly. And it didn't help that his mind was busy with thoughts of Feliks.
Goddamn him. Screw him for making him feel this way, for making his heart flutter and making him smile. Did Feliks even care? Did he even notice? Toris thought perhaps he did and it scared him off. Perhaps he wasn't meant to be loved after all. Maybe his mother was right. She always was, wasn't she?
It was late afternoon when Liet finally finished his chores. It was the earliest he ever finished. Maybe that was due to the fact that Raivis wasn't around to bother him. He considered the younger nation to be like his brother and just like younger siblings, they tended to be annoying or distracting. Toris hoped Mr. Ivan would be pleased. He tried really hard to make him happy as gratitude for the place to stay and live.
The house was still just as quiet as before when Liet made his way to his bedroom to write the day's happenings in his journal. Or diary as Eduard called it. Jackass. He liked writing in his journal, it calmed him down. If anyone understood him, it was this little book, full of his darkest feelings and secrets. Toris locked his journal once he was finished, looking once more out of the window. Why was he being such a baby? It shouldn't matter what Feliks thought of him. So why did he feel so utterly hopeless? Why did he feel as if his world was crashing down around him?
Dinner was uncomfortable in that Liet hated eating alone. It was always an eventful meal with Mr. Ivan talking about what he was planning and what occurred that day. But his favorite part of the day was when they would gather around the fire and Mr. Ivan would tell stories. Raivis would sit on his lap and be asleep by the end of it. In those moments, Toris felt like he had a real family, just for a little while.
He felt tears slip down his cheeks and for once he was grateful Eduard wasn't around to see him cry. That would be embarrassing. Not to mention Eduard would tell Mr. Ivan and then he would feel so guilty, not wanting him to think he was so unhappy here that he would cry. Life wasn't the best but he didn't have to go through it alone. He had his makeshift family. It wasn't easy with them around, but they sure made life unpredictable and more exciting. It was much better than being stranded in the snow for years.
Liet let the tears fall, no one was around to see him anyway. His shoulders shook with sobs, large deep breaths were taken in between cries. God. He's such a baby. He shouldn't cry. His life wasn't terrible. It wasn't the best either but Mr. Ivan made sure he was clothed and fed and had a roof over his head. He could still be out there in the wide world, shivering in the snow. Just dumped there by his own mother.
Yes, it could be so much worse. Toris wiped the tears away. He felt slightly better about the situation. Now he could think a little clearer. What was he going to do about Feliks? If he went over there right now, would his friend even listen? Or would he turn him away, certain he knew everything already? Liet supposed there was only one way to find out.
He dressed himself and packed a bag, writing a note to Mr. Ivan. He would be back hopefully in a day or two, depending on the weather. And of course he would come back. It was the only home he knew after all. With that, Toris left the house, making his way to Poland.