Truth
tro͞oTH/
noun
1. the quality or state of being true.
~
|Eunnie|
We'd quietly slipped out the front door, the boys in the kitchen paying now mind to their surroundings. The night air of San Diego nipped playfully at my cheeks and I kept my head down, not daring to look anywhere except the concrete sidewalk. I heard Taehyung sigh and my throat tightened up.
"Take your time, Ji Eun-ssi." He said quietly and I timidly nodded, swallowing slowly and forcing the lump in my throat to dissipate. A blanket of silence enveloped the two of use and I sighed shakily, my mouth going dry and my mind going blank.
"I'm scared, Taehyung-ah." I whispered out in the night, turning my head slightly to look up at the older. He sent me a small, reassuring smile, reaching over to intertwine our hands. He squeezed gently.
"Gwenchana, Ji Eun-ssi." Those words, they were so soothing coming from his lips. And at that point I simply wanted to pour my heart out to him. I stopped abruptly, Taehyung following.
"Let's stop somewhere quiet, Taehyung-ah." I said, before taking a right. There was a small beach close to our house that no one ever visited, I came to know it as my quiet place. Where I could simply sit and think, even before Jun Young had broken up with me. I shed off my jacket and kicked off my shoes, sitting in the sand and watching the waves kiss along the shore.
"What is this place?" Taehyung asked softly, sitting beside me, with his elbows resting on his knees.
"My quiet place. I've never seen anyone come here except me, so I've claimed this small beach as my territory. It's nice and peaceful. I love to come early in the morning to feed the seagull, they've become my companions over the last few years." I said with a content smile on my face. "This is the only place where I feel safe in my own skin."
"I know the lighting isn't best right now for this, but I'll show you anyway." I reached my arm over, allowing Taehyung to examine my scars. "I have more in other places, my thighs especially, places where people can't see. There's also some on my stomach, maybe two or three. I've stopped keeping count." I explained quietly, resisted the incredible urge to cry.
"You need to stop, Ji Eun." Taehyung said after a few minutes had passed. I sighed, glancing over at him and biting my lip.
"Don't you think I would if I could? It's the only thing that makes me feel alive anymore. I'm numb to my emotions, Taehyung. I can't feel anything besides pain at this point, cutting, feeling the sharp tip of the blade is the only thing I can feel anymore. I barely eat because my stomach is used to starving itself. I look like I'm a skeleton walking the earth and no one cares enough to notice, not even my own parents." I cried out, ripping my arm away from Taehyung's grasp and closing in on myself. "I should just die." I said, voice muffled against my jeans.
"Ji Eun, hajima."
"I don't want to be alive anymore. My life is just the epitome of pain and suffering. I hate it, I can't do this anymore."
"Hajima, Ji Eun, i mean it."
"Why can't I just die?"
"Hajima!" I flinched slightly when Taehyung raised his voice, though i kept my head down and hidden against my knees. "Why are you talking like this? Why are you acting like this? You have a lot of people around you who care about you and worry, how could you keep something like this hidden away. You need help, Ji Eun-ssi. Let them help."
I was shaking, with fear, because it was cold, I couldn't differentiate the source. "I can't, Taehyung-ah. I can't be helped anymore." I said, crying and broken.
"You don't know that! I'm sorry, Ji Eun, but I can't just stand by and let you do this to yourself. I'm telling your parents and Jimin whether you like it or not." I lifted my head, eyes wide.
"B-but, you promised-"
"Fuck my promise. I'm breaking it." He said, eyes narrowed and arms crossed over his chest. He stood, reaching his hand out. "Gaja, Ji Eun-ssi. We'll tell them together." He said and I hesitantly took his hand, standing on shaky legs.
"I'm not ready, Taehyung-ah. I'm so scared." I replied and he simply pulled me close, enveloping me in a warm hug.
"It's be okay, Ji Eun-ssi. I'll be right by your side, ready to catch you if you fall." He said whispered in my ear and I nodded, eyes shut tight as I clung to his body. "Gaja, okay?" He said and I nodded, pulling away and grabbing my jacket and shoes.
We started the walk home, the pressure on my chest getting almost too hard to bear. In front of the door, I could heard laughing coming from the kitchen, my parents rental was in the driveway, they were home. My breath hitched in my throat and Taehyung's grip on my hand became tightly. "Come on, Ji Eun-ssi." He said, gently pulling me along.
He opened the door and suddenly the atmosphere in the house was too much to bear. I pulled my hand from his as we made our way to the kitchen and I kept my head down, hair hiding my face as we stepped through the doorway. "There you guys are, where'd you go?" I heard my mom ask and I simply kept my mouth shut, eyes trained on the kitchen.
"Guys, can you go in the living room, Ji Eun needs to talk to her parents and Jimin." I heard Taehyung's voice and the shuffling of feet beside me as the other members left the room, most likely sensing it was more than serious.
"Is something wrong, Taehyung-ah? Gwenchana, sweetie?" Two questions, directed at both of us. I could feel four pairs of eyes on me and I gently lifted my head, beginning to cry again.
"Mianhae, eomma." I choked out, holding out my arms cautiously for them to see. "Mianhae." I said one last time, before my eyes closed and I fainted.
