Not Yet

I'm Not Ready

      I'm not ready to pursue any more time and effort into someone who wasn't there. I'm not ready to call you my Best Friend because if you were, I wouldn't be writing this. And I'm not ready to give you my life if all of a sudden you " Like" me when you never did. You are my weakness, my shadow, and my fear. My weaknesses of all the things I've struggled through in life to bring me beneath myself. My shadow of an image of self-distrust, anger, and disgust. And my fear of Enemies I looked up to, without even realizing they did me wrong. You wanted me to change for an impersonal reason that I can't explain, and we still ended up moving backward. Everything you've put me through has elevated to distasteful words on my tongue that I tend to speak each and every day. These words in which can discredit a better judgment of your character, and these words of hurtful feelings in those I try to express. An expression of how I feel, think, and act when you are, or no longer an existence in my day to day life. What's next? Suffering for someone else's inner self to change, or living a happy life to never belittle me again. People say that I should have given up on you a while ago, but something about you makes me want to stay but not stay at the same time. If people would understand how I feel about something, then maybe people can look at my life and say it's complicated. I don't hate you, I just don't feel like you're someone that I can relate to anymore, and it makes it difficult for me to even try and be a friend to you. If you want to be my friend, then act like you do, because the way you act, makes it seem like you don't. I don't hate you, I just don't know how I feel about you generally. I'm confusing and I know that but sometimes you have to give people their space. Space to get their mind back on track, and space to know what is really right for them physically and emotionally.