I'd never do that...

My hands were shaking as I watched him flick the needle twice and push it up making sure all the air was out. "Stop shaking or I am going to miss..."  Nick kept talking telling me how it would cure my being sick within seconds. I had been on blues or oxys for about two years and had never thought about sticking a needle into my arm. Not until that day that is. I had been out for a couple days. Between the cold sweats, the stomache ache, and my restlessness I was ready to try anything.

I nearly stopped breathing watching him pat my arm looking for a vein. I had always swore I could never do that. I would NEVER do that. I felt the stick, I thought about turning my head, instead I looked down as the blood mixed in with the needle and he pushed down.

"Got it!" he looked up and smiled "you wont be sick long"

The warmth spread so fast that I thought I was going to die, this was unlike any other high I had ever felt. I was in love, one day, one minute.  I fell back onto his bed, enjoying the feeling of not being sick. I knew it would be short lived.

"hey do you mind if I take that needle with me"I glanced at Nick.."you know for later?"

"Told you that you would never go back to snorting.." he smirked handing me the needle. "If you need some they are $12 a peice, I'm sellng them to everyone else at $15 so dont say anything"

"Right, well save me two I have to go get more money from dad" I grabbed my keys and headed to my car. I sat in the parking lot of that run down moble homepark for what seemed like hours plotting how I would get more money from my dad. Settling on the old "I need girly things" I started my old beat up ford, and started home. 

Driving has always been the best time for thinking..so you would think I would have been ready for the thoughts that asulted me. "I cant believe you just did that"  "My mother just saw me do that" I screamed to myself knowing the tears were coming. "she would hate you... she is dead, and you're a full blown junkie" 

My next thought was how much I needed another pill....

Pulling up outside my house I saw dad sitting in the garage watching TV. He lived in that garage, by choice mind you. I pulled up my hoodie expossing my arms, maybe he will see me. Lecture me about it, and offer to get me help. Ten minutes later I had $20 in my pocket, and felt awful about lying AGAIN to my dad. He has really been though enough. We lost my mother to cancer 11 years ago. He has heath problems, and now he had me as a addict. I think he knows... I think he also chooses to ignore it. We have that problem in my family. Just burry it, dont talk about it.  Its kinda like how we burried my mom, and with her all the chances to talk openly about her.