NB: The Girl from Hell (GirlxGirl)

Chapter 6: The End of the Beginning

I ask Mike to drive me to the library. I’ll call Jess from there.  I know that she’s probably worried about me.

While Mike drives, I don’t pay any attention to where we’re coming from.  I feel the warm air blowing in through the open window and sweeping across my face.  The car is taking me back to reality.  I try to pretend that everything that has happened tonight is a dream, but it’s too late.  My mask is cracked and I can’t go back to pretending I’m normal.

When we get to the library, Mike gives me his phone number.  I take it.  I don’t know if I’ll ever call him for that appointment though.

I get out of the car and it’s quite.  I know I shouldn’t be afraid. I’m here a couple nights a week.  There are other students around who look calm.

I just start to walk, trying shut out any thoughts about what has been happening.  It doesn’t seem like it should be real, so it must just be in my head.

I get home and there are police cars outside my apartment.  My mind instantly shifts gears.  Is Jess alright?

I dial her number as fast as I can.

“Are you okay?” I ask as soon as she answers.

“Yeah.”

I tell her I was nervous.

“Anne.  I don’t want you to worry about me.”

“What are you talking about?” I ask.  Now I am worried.

“Someone broke into our apartment.”

“Oh my god,” I say.  Suddenly it occurs to me that I have no idea what happened to me.  I’m afraid there’s still a pool of my blood sitting in the living room.  Does she know something?  Does Jess know what I am? 

“I was so worried about you.” Jess says.  “Where have you been?”

“I was just at the library.  Can I come up?”

“No,” Jess says.  “I’ll come down.”

She hangs up her phone and I’m left standing there, alone again.

I look at my phone.  I’m sure she’s just waiting for the elevator or something, but part of me can’t help but imagine a bunch of men in black suits preparing to capture me and bring me in to study. 

Before my paranoia can grow any more, Jess sprints out of the building and launches herself at me.

When we’re finally together, she’s out of breath gasping for air in my arms.  I want to cry, but I don’t.  And by not crying, I’m lying to her.  I can’t let her know what I’ve been through.

We decide to go to a hotel.  We use a fake name and pay in cash.

I want to tell her everything, but I don’t.  I love her and she loves me.  We could have helped each other so much, in so many ways, but instead, we’re silent. 

We go up to our room, it’s a generic hotel.  It has that stale artificial clean smell that hotels get from being basted in Lysol every morning. 

As soon as the door to our room closes, I take off my clothes.  I didn’t think to take anything from the apartment.  I feel dirty, but I don’t shower.  All I want to do is sleep.

Jess looks at the dress I was wearing.  It doesn’t look familiar to her, but she doesn’t give it much thought.  She’s just glad that I’m safe.  She comes into bed.

“I love you,” she says.

I look at her.  I love her too.  “Not tonight,” I say.  “I’m tired.”

Jess smirks.  “I didn’t mean it like that, I just really love you.”

We lay next to each other.  Jess wraps her arms around me.  Feeling her skin against mine, I feel real again.  I feel normal.  I feel human.

I can feel her chest move to the rhythm of her breath.

I am Anne.